


Learning to Crawl

by Five_seas



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 100 percent reylo trash, F/M, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Redemption, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-19 05:28:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 29,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22005898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Five_seas/pseuds/Five_seas
Summary: Turning him was the easy part.The real problem is getting the rest of the Resistance to see him as anything other than a threat. And then there's the small matter that Snoke was just the beginning of their problems.Set after The Last Jedi, because... yeah.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 49
Kudos: 235





	1. He's still there

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elithien](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elithien/gifts).



> I don't own Star Wars.
> 
> Just a lot of feelings after the Rise of Skywalker. I was going to wait until I got my notebooks with elithien's art to start rewriting history, but I couldn't wait.

The Supreme Leader’s room was a mess of burning wires and destroyed panels. Smoke wafted everywhere, making her eyes sting and her breath catch. There were sparks flying out the door, a sign that reinforcements had come to investigate the commotion. There was no time to waste, no time to think. 

And yet, there they stood. 

Staring at each other.

“Order them to stop,” Rey said, voice shaking. “Please.”

“It’s time to let old things die,” he spoke as if in a trance.

“Yes,” she snapped. “This old thing, in particular. Ben, stop the attack!”

“No. All old things.” He turned. “Rey, I want you to join me.”

“If you wanted me to join you, you would not have done what you just did!” 

The explosion ripped through the ship in that moment. The ground shook, and the smog sparked dangerously. Rey saw the fire a fraction before it ignited.

Ben saw it sooner. 

He knocked both of them behind the throne just as the fire spread, catching most of the room and the door. There was swearing and screams outside the door now, people running for their lives. A last-ditch attempt on the part of the Resistance that had succeeded.

Rey coughed and looked up, meeting Ben’s eyes through the smoke. The scars on his face were angry and red, and he looked like he was desperately fighting… something. Looking further up, she could see how the worst of the fumes and fire were being held back. But he could not hold indefinitely. And she could not control the force well enough to take over.

They had to get out of there.

Ben made a small, choking noise - laugher, perhaps - then grabbed hold of her upper arm and shoved her further toward the back, pushing the flames and debris out of the way. A few steps later, she saw what he was getting them toward - an escape pod, fully reinforced and far better-equipped than anything she had seen on the ship so far.

He blasted the keylock, threw her in the driving seat, and choked the opening sequence for her to enter. Before Rey could respond, he had closed the door again and disappeared from site. Acting as if she were in a fever dream, Rey started going through activation, eyes trying to find him in the smoke. 

_Come on, come on, it can’t end like this,_ she thought, even though everything so far indicated the opposite.

The Resistance was decimated. Her friends were probably dead. The First Order was weakened but would catch up soon and then what? How much better would the others be on the ground? What advantage would they have there that they did not have in the skies?

Her last hope was whether she had turned Ben. But even that seemed not to have worked.

 _Where are you?_ she screamed inside her head.

 _Opening. The. Damn. Lock._ Came the reply.

The next second, the smoke cleared as if by magic, and she saw him, slashing away at the controls that contained the air lock. His movements were stiff and shaky. Blood loss, she thought. Possibly smoke inhalation, too.

 _Come back._ When he didn’t reply, she raised a hand and made his sword fly out of his hand. He turned and raised his hands in frustration. _Come. Back._ She ordered. 

When he still didn’t move, she made his whole body fly across the floor, all the way to where the pod was at. The second he went in and the door clicked shut, Rey closed her eyes and reached for the air lock, ripping it clean off the hinges. 

The second she saw a clean path to open space, she finished the starting sequence and sent the pod hurtling through the air, clearing the ship in minutes.

“You could have just said you could do that,” he coughed, sitting behind her in the pod.

“You could have just told me what you needed me to do,” she snapped. Then, realizing what had just transpired, she turned in the seat to face him.

He just lay there, eyes closed, holding onto his chest as he wheezed and heaved. The grafted skin had been burned clean off, revealing the prosthetic underneath. He’d taken twice as many hits as her, and he looked a million times worse. He opened one eye and stared at her, an exhausted and haunted look. 

“Well?” he asked. “I’m with you. Now what?”

He was asking as if she was about to put him down. Like his uncle had attempted, and failed so many years ago. 

Rey snorted and rolled her eyes. “We’re going to the surface. And we will find the rest of the Resistance. We’ll figure it out from there.”

Ben closed his eyes and sighed, a bone deep exhaustion seeming to settle over him. “This… is going to be interesting.”

She laughed for real again. Her laugher cut abruptly as they were passed by a group of First Order fliers. Heavily damaged, but still operational, they were heading straight for the planet as well. 

“Damn it,” she muttered, rummaging through the console.

“Communications - above you, on the left hand side. It’s a private link, you can alert the Falcon.” Came his voice behind her.

“If you knew all of that, why can’t you help me a bit more?” she said, swearing a little. 

There was a sigh, then three of the flyers blew up, torn apart as surely as a direct hit from a planet-destroying weapon. Rey stared, shocked.

“I did not know you could do that,” she muttered.

“I didn’t think I could.” There was something about how he said that which made her turn around. Ben’s face looked pained, and he did not respond as she called his name. Not at first.

“He’s still here,” he whispered, at last.

“Who?” Rey pulled up her blaser, looked around. “Who is still here?”

“The voice… Snoke…” He shuddered. “I killed him and yet he is still there… calling me back to the dark.”

That was not possible. Could not be possible. Rey started to shake. She was not ready to fight him, not in these closed quarters. 

“You need to immobilize me,” he said. “On your left… under the seat.”

Without another word, she obeyed - tying his hands, then his ankles, and then pinning his elbows to his torso for good measure. His eyes had grown dark by the time she was finished, pupils dialating to swallow up his irises. 

“We’re nearly to the surface,” she said, checking the status of her S.O.S. to the Falcon. “We’ll be with friends soon.”

“You will be,” he said. “I’ll be executed as a traitor.”

“Ben, they won’t do that.”

He closed his eyes and shuddered. “Rey. Just promise me something.”

Promises were a bad thing. On Jakku, if you weren’t careful, you could trade away your freedom like nothing. “Name it,” she said.

He smiled. “Promise me you will save yourself first.”


	2. Son of Snoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Star Wars.

Leia sat behind the bullet-proof glass, staring at the man who used to be her son.

They’d taken away his weapons, boots, and most of his outerwear, leaving him in a shirt and trousers. He was hog-tied to the chair, as if that would actually stop him if he wanted to escape. The drugs they’d pumped him with would be slightly more effective, although even those had their limitations.

All in all, she could not help feeling like they were sitting on a ticking time bomb. 

She couldn’t bring herself to be mad at Rey for bringing it to them, though.

“General?” Poe Dameron entered the viewing deck and stopped by her side. She nodded, acknowledging him, and continued her perusal of the prisoner. “Has he… err… said anything yet?”

“Mute as a fish,” she said. “Not that we’ve given him much chance to defend himself.”

“You think anything he can say erases what he’s done?”

Leia smiled. “I sense a note of disapproval there, Commander.”

In truth, when Snoke’s shuttle had landed, the only moment of joy had been seeing Rey’s emerge from the door. Then they’d taken one look at her prisoner, and all hell had broken loose. Half the people there had wanted to rip him apart with their bare hands, then and there. The rest had wanted to do the same, but slowly - and with the rest of the Resistance watching.

The only thing that had stopped them - the only thing that could stop them - was Rey, who had used the force for long enough to shout he wasn’t a threat. 

Well… that, and her brother’s sudden reappearance.

Leave it to Luke to outstage the capturing of the Supreme Leader of the First Order. 

“I’m not disapproving at all,” Poe said. “I just… don’t see why we need to give him such posh accommodations.”

Leia nodded. “Yes. Perhaps we should put him to work. Chain him up next to our other prisoners from the First Order; let them conspire and escape together. Yes, that would indeed be a fitting punishment.”

“You jest, General, but our forces are weak, and we are spending fuel and effort on keeping this one prisoner sedated. He killed many of our own - he should be punished accordingly.”

“And so he will be,” she said, raising her voice just a tad. “Eventually.” She glanced at Poe. “But you cannot deny that he is a valuable source of information. He will atone for his crimes, and he will start by helping us save lives.”

Poe’s smile was grim. “You seem convinced that he will talk true.”

“To us? No.” Leia shook her head. “To someone else? Definitely.”

***

Rey had never felt simultaneously as loved and as loathed in her life. 

Hatred was easy enough - she’d enjoyed plenty of that on Jakku. But it was a straightforward enough hatred. Traders did not like the junk she brought, felt like she was a drain on resources; other scavengers were jealous of her good finds and disdainful of her when she failed. Yes. She knew that hatred well.

But being hailed as a hero for killing Snoke was a different matter. Especially when she tried correcting the people congratulating her.

“He did really do it,” she said. “It was Ben who ignited the lightsaber.”

Some pitied her. Others told her she was wrong. The majority just stared, as if they couldn’t figure out what to make of her. Was she a fool, or was she just under an evil sway. _Either way, best keep one’s distance._

Perhaps things were not so different from before after all. 

She did not think that her being a Jedi would suddenly make her the star of the base. She did not think turning Ben Solo would be that popular a move, either. But she wasn’t ready for everyone to just… dismiss her completely, as if she were a foolish little girl. She had survived on a desert planet all her life, for crying out loud! She knew what she was talking about.

Luke seemed to have reverted to his silent treatment of her too - ignoring her greetings and downright pretending not to see her when they crossed paths. 

Really, the only one who bothered speaking to her like a regular person was Finn.

“Tell me something,” she said, as the two walked across the parameter of the base, studying its defenses, “do you like Rose?”

“What kind of question is that?” he asked, pretending to trip over something and straightening up quickly. “Why… why do you ask?”

“Would you do stupid things for her? Overrule your own better judgement?”

“Well, I wouldn’t call them stupid…” he started, then shook his head. “I don’t know how I feel. What difference does that make, anyway?”

“I’m just wondering,” she said. “If it were anybody else speaking for Ben, would they listen, or would they dismiss them, too.”

Finn scratched his head. “I don’t know, Rey. This whole ‘There is goodness in him, I have sensed it’ thing… they’ve kinda been down that road before. Sure, it ended up working for them in the end, but Luke lost an arm trying to fight Vader, and they lost a lot of people bringing the Empire Down. I’m not saying you were _wrong_ , just that…” he paused, pondering his next words “…just that people are not quick to forgive him, that’s all.”

“They don’t need to be,” she said. “By all rights, they shouldn’t be. But why deny him credit where credit is due?”

“To be fair,” Finn said, “he could have killed Snoke anyway, without your prompting. You don’t know that for sure.”

Except, she did know. 

She knew the same way she knew the drugs weren’t keeping Ben completely under. That he was still in agony, listening to the voice of his tormentor, even if that tormentor was now dead. She knew, and yet she couldn’t explain this to anybody because nobody would listen. 

This was going nowhere. She needed a change of tactic.

“How’s the rebuilding effort going?” she asked. “Or are you not allowed to share that with me?”

Finn, visibly relieved to have a change of topic, jumped at the opportunity.

From his perch on the watch tower, Luke regarded both, frowning.

***

He started to feel the restraints first.

It was just a bit of tension, then an itch, then a persistent, throbbing pain. There was a hard surface under him - a table, or a chair - and it made the whole side of his body in contact with it cold. 

More sensations came. Thirst. Hunger. But most of all, fear. He had failed his teacher, and he had been captured.

_And now they will kill you. They’ll put you down like an animal._

He fought to keep the panic at bay, but it was difficult. Memories of the last battle raged inside of him, twisted and wrong. Snoke ordering him to kill the scavenger - Rey smiling, and cutting through Snoke in an instant - the bodyguards being snuffed out one by one - and finally her turning to him, raising her sword. _You are going to pay for what you have done!_

No. That wasn’t how it happened. But that was how it played out in his memory, over and over again.

Words floated to him, muffled at first, then more clear.

“—how much longer?”

“Drugs should’ve worn out by now.”

“Pretending—”

It was true. They were here. He was going to die.

He was about to use the Force to free himself and run, when he felt something else. A tension at the back of his head, followed by an utter stillness. It was as though he had walked into a dark room and had closed a door to the world. He stood there, and waited.

She arrived as she always did - first there was just her breath; then her heartbeat; and finally, the woman herself.

Scavenger.

Rey.

 _You’re awake._ She sounded surprised. _They said you were still sedated._

They’d like that, wouldn’t they.

 _When’s my execution scheduled?_ he asked. If he were going to die, he wanted to at least face it head on. He’d never give them the satisfaction of seeing him scared.

_You won’t be executed. I told you, Ben, I wouldn’t let that happen._

_Why are you calling me that?_

_Because it’s your name._

_My name is Kylo Ren._

Was it him, or did she seem… tired. _Do you not remember what happened?_

He remembered… stars, he wasn’t sure what he remembered. There were two versions warring in his head - one that made him want to run for his life, and one that left him weak in the knees. Snoke’s teachings told him that Rey was his enemy. That she would kill him when given half the chance. But…

 _You could have killed me then,_ she said. _By all rights, you should have. I was nothing but a figment of your imagination by that point. I had humiliated and disfigured you. But you saved me instead._

Yes, that made no sense whatsoever.

He had done what had to be done before. He’d killed his father. But the act had cleaved him in two. He’d thought the past needed to be purged, but doing so had hurt him more than anything in the world. He couldn’t bring himself to kill his mother when he’d had her in his cross hairs, and he hadn’t been able to take Rey’s head off either. Something more powerful had stopped him.

Something. Or someone.

 _You’re right,_ he said. _I should have killed you. You make me weak._

She tensed up, and her hands went straight for her belt. He chuckled.

 _You need to hide your tells a bit better,_ he said. _At this rate, you’ll be telegraphing your moves a mile away from any opponent._

 _You wouldn’t kill me,_ she said. _There is no point._

_I’ve killed for less reason than that._

She shook her head. _Luke and Leia want to speak to you. Let them help you. Please._

He sighed. _Do you remember your promise to me?_

She seemed shocked. _I… yes._

 _Good._ He opened his eyes to the room, then, and took in the shocked expressions of the lab techs. _Keep it,_ he thought, and let go of the connection.


	3. Information Exchange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Star Wars.
> 
> Just a bad case of the feels, and access to much Christmas Bailey's.

He followed his sister into the interrogation room, unable to shake off the feeling of… well, wrongness. 

All these years, he had assumed that his future was set in stone. That his one act of fear had doomed the galaxy, and that no-one, no matter how young or idealistic, would be able to turn the tide.

Lo. The tide had been turned.

Snoke was dead. The last of the Resistance had fled to safety. They were decimated, sure. But they were also whole. The First Order had gone away to lick their wounds, and they had their most fierce fighter in their custody. 

And now, he had to interrogate him.

“It almost feels as though I never left,” he said.

Leia shook her head. “If that were the case, we would not be in this situation, would there.”

Was that a note of accusation he heard in her voice? Or maybe it was his own feelings getting the better of him?

Looking at his nephew, he had to concede it was probably the latter.

Ben Solo stared at the middle distance, not giving any acknowledgment of the people in front of him, even as they addressed him by name. Not for the first time, he wondered whether this was a failed endeavor from the start.

“Do you think he even understands us?” Leia asked out.

“He understood well enough when the lab techs fitted him with a catheter,” Luke replied. Then, turning to the boy, she said, “Ben Solo. You stand accused of murder, war crimes, and enabling planetary destruction. How do you respond?”

No sign of comprehension. There was barely a sign of life.

“Your crimes have been witnessed by multiple individuals and recorded multiple times. The galactic council will trial you in due course. In the interim, you will remain in the custody of the Resistance. Have you anything to say?”

Nothing.

Oh wait… he blinked.

“You will be appointed a defense. If you have a defense person of choice, you should make that preference known.”

Leia sighed. This was pointless. They might as well have sent C-3PO to read him his rights. 

“Your defense will tell you that cooperating with us will not soften your ultimate sentence. It could, however, change it - if your information proves to be valuable.”

“You’re really selling it,” Leia muttered.

“Have you got a better idea?”

“Just a question.” She walked around the chair, studying her son. Just as she was entering his field of vision again, she said, “Why did you let yourself be captured?”

Finally, there was a reaction.

Sure, it looked like an eye twitch, but it was a reaction nonetheless. 

“You could have stayed,” Leia went on. “Taken over the First Order. You could have even rallied your troops and chased us back to the planet’s surface. You must have known that Rey is no match for you yet. Why let her capture you instead?”

The corner of his mouth turned up. 

Luke was tempted to slap the smirk off his face. Leia just waited.

Eventually, she sat back down again and met her son’s eyes. “I know you think you are winning right now. Here we are, the two most powerful people in the Resistance, and we’re begging you to talk to us. I’m sure this is a situation that feels good to you. But you should remember: nobody is coming for you. As far as the First Order is concerned, you are as dead as Snoke is.”

Ben started to say something, then coughed profusely, dehydration from the last few days taking its toll. Luke raised an arm to stop Leia from going to him… unnecessarily, since his sister just stood there, staring at the boy impassively. 

“I’m sorry,” she said at length. “What was that?”

“I said you are wrong,” Ben replied. 

Luke tensed up. Had they missed something in the sweep? A tracking device so advanced, none of their scans could pick up? Was a squadron of the First Order on their way to them as they wasted time with this little bastard?

Leia cocked her head to the side.

“How so?”

“You are not the most powerful people in the Resistance.”

***

Poe, Finn, and Rose stood outside of the General’s office.

Usually, they would have taken the moment to laugh and chat about fun, interesting things. But the summons had been… well…

…more than a little curt. Enough to freeze their merriment, anyway.

“What do you suppose they want from us?” Finn asked, finally breaking the silence. Rose closed her eyes and shook her head. “It can’t be about what happened in Crete… right?”

“That was weeks ago,” Poe said. “If they wanted to discipline us for that, they would have done so already.”

Finn had to concede to that. Rose still looked pained, though. For a second, he wondered if she had suffered something more than a mild concussion as they made their escape from Snoke’s Destroyer, but he had no way of tactfully asking her about this. 

“So… what then?”

“If I had to guess? It’s something to do with the monster we have in lock-up.” Poe shifted in his spot, looking around before adding, “Quite frankly, I don’t care that he is the General’s son, as far as I’m concerned, he deserves to hang off the wall.”

“It is fortunate, then, that your opinion has not been asked on this matter, Commander,” Leia asked, opening the door to her office. Then her expression softened. “Come in, the three of you. Let us talk.”

Inside, the chamber looked miserably empty. Where there were comms devices and computers strewn about, now there were just dark smudges on the floor and wall. Upon the arrival at the base, following the battle above Crete, Leia had ordered a complete wipe-out of all their technology, all their data having been transported for safekeeping a long time ago. After so many close calls with the First Order, even the most reluctant among them could see the wisdom in that - they didn’t need anybody to come across the information of their allies in the Outer Rim, let alone some of the undercover ops still ongoing on certain planets. 

Indeed, the only items on the desk were a stack of black-rimmed disks and a single burner device. Finn’s eyes lingered on them, curious as to their meaning, before Leia called them to attention once more.

“By now you would have had a chance to speak to Rey about what happened,” she said. “Has she deviated at all from her story?”

“No, General,” Rose said, while the boys nodded along.

“Has she demonstrated any other signs of confusion? Any indication her memories were tampered with?”

Head shakes, all around. They would make excellent puppets, if this were another life.

Leia sighed. “Right. I see.” 

“With permission, General,” Poe started, “Why are you asking us about Rey? Is there anything about her conduct that raises questions?”

“She went on an enemy ship, alone, and allowed herself to be brought before Snoke without having even done proper training in the art of combat. Yes, I would say there is reason to be concerned.” Leia sighed. “But… it would be gross hypocrisy for myself and Luke to tell her off for taking that risk. The best we can do from now on is, trust but verify.”

The three exchanged glances. Finn was, once again, the one to ask:

“General… what _is_ the plan, really? We dealt the First Order a massive blow. It’s not like they can regroup so easily after that.”

“A massive blow, you say.” Leia smiled. “I suppose that is true. But what of our losses? And our supporters? You see, while we may have indeed scored a win against the First Order, we evacuated a mere eighth of our troops, and none of our allies responded to our distress call on Crete - had it not been for the Millennium Falcon, we would have all been stranded on that planet, for any passing patrol to pick off.”

Guilty glances.

“The plan,” Leia went on, “is to recuperate as best as possible and rally the troops. It also requires us to gain some kind of advantage over the enemy.”

“Has—” Poe hesitated. “Has the prisoner said anything yet?”

Leia shook her head. “None such luck, as expected. We hope that someone else will be more… persuasive.”

Poe coughed. “If you need us to help with the interrogation—”

“No, that would not be necessary. I do, however, will need your help afterward.” The General sat forward. “Once we have the information, we will need to decide what the next step will be. Whether we should act upon it at all, and if we do, how. Can I count on you to do it?”

More nods all around.

“Very well,” she said. “Then, please tell Rey I’d like to speak to her at her earliest convenience.”

***

He felt her before she entered the room.

It made no sense to him. Snoke said it was he who had bridged their minds, and yet, he could still feel the connection, as strongly as ever. Cruel - to have gone through that fight, only to wonder if he had killed the old man at all, or if there was something else going on that he did not understand. 

Cruel, but fitting.

She walked in stiffly - no doubt from the wire they had fitted her with. Why they would bother with such artifice, he had no idea. In another life, he would have found it comical.

“They say you will not eat,” she said.

“They have a habit of stating the obvious.” He tested the link, but there was something blocking his way. That, or the drugs they were feeding him were better than intended. 

“For someone who is invested in other people’s wellbeing, you seem terribly disinterested in yours.” She walked closer, sitting in the chair that Luke had previously occupied. “Would you rather they executed you on the spot?”

He smirked. “That would be… familiar, at least.”

“Let the past die, or have it kill you? I feel like we’re missing an in-between.”

There was none. He should have known that and gone for the first option, but hadn’t.

“You need to cooperate,” she said.

“Because it would improve my sentence, once the galactic council gets around to trialling me. Yes, I heard.” He tested the link between them again. Still nothing, but he did note that the drugs were clear from his system. “You know as well as I do, I will not live long enough to face judgment. Why bother with the pretense?”

“To help show them you have changed.”

“Have I changed?”

She gave him a frustrated look, then, clear as a bell, her voice rang through his head. 

_Don’t be like this, Ben._

He closed his eyes. There it was. That foolish urge for him, to give mercy where he should have been ruthless.

_You think I can be brought back to the light, but you are wrong._ Then he opened his mind to her. All of his mind.

He knew the moment she saw what scared him. He heard her gasp, felt her panic. He held onto the connection for a moment more, then pushed her out unceremoniously.

“It’s over for me,” he said, for the benefit of everyone listening. “Snoke was just an old man in a throne room. I’m the nightmare you should all be afraid of.”

“You’re wrong,” Rey said, through tears. “That’s not who you are.”

“You should leave. Before I choke you with the Force, or some such nonsense.”

“That’s. Not. Who. You. Are!” She stood up. “There must be another way.”

“I still hear the voices inside my head,” he said. “They tell me to kill. They tell me to bring the end of the world. And I am not strong enough to stop them.”

Rey kept shaking her head. As if that could deny the truth in what he was saying. Then, without further warning, she grabbed him by the ears and forced him to look at her in the eyes.

“Think,” she said, voice shaking. “There are too many inconsistencies for this to just be your mind turning against you. Snoke insisted he could not be betrayed, and yet he was. He claimed to be a powerful Sith master, but he was not. He took credit for bridging our minds, and you know—”

He threw himself forward.

Restraints or not, he was a powerful man, and they had tied him to a rather weak tether. Before Rey could react, his mouth was on hers, and he’d managed to get her pressed against the nearest wall. She was so shocked, she didn’t even resist.

_Be careful of what you speak out loud,_ he whispered into her mind. _If you are correct in what you are implying, and there is someone other than Snoke pulling the strings, then that means someone in the Resistance is betraying you._ After another beat, he added, _I’m sorry about… you know… clashing your teeth._

He pulled away and forced himself to look every bit the leering thug as he took in her shocked expression. “Told you,” he said, smirking. “Monster.”

She slapped him so hard she threw him across the room.

He hoped that at least a little bit of that was faked.


	4. Little Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Star Wars. 
> 
> Just... feels. Major cases of the feels.

Rey stumbled through her training session with Luke, making a pig’s ear of her kata and embarrassing herself completely in her Force drills. “You say you were able to rip an airlock door clear out of its hinges, and now you cannot even move a tiny stone?” the Great Jedi master was not in any masterful mood at all.

Possibly because the prisoner he’d been working to restrain had gotten the better of him and had assaulted his student. Such a transgression upon her person would surely upset him.

Or so she liked to think. 

“Perhaps a break is in order,” Leia said, from her seat on the side of the training area.

“I can do this,” Rey said.

“I really think—”

“I can do this! Please!” 

Leia shrugged and got back to reading her reports, while Luke shook his head in disgust. “I’m going for a walk,” he said. “Clear my head. You do what you want.”

For a powerful warrior, he sure made an awful teacher. The thought, as spiteful as it was, felt true.

Rey turned her attention to the rock she’d been failing to move all this time, and tried to make it dance in the air. All the while, her own thoughts whirled with panic.

Naturally, the stone didn’t move.

“You know,” Leia said, after a few minutes, “being in mortal danger, stressed out, and frustrated, can have some impact on how you interact with the Force.”

“I can’t rely on being happy and relaxed all the time in order to win in battle,” Rey said.

“True. But you’re not going to learn any faster to overcome it, either.” The General patted the seat next to her. “Come. Keep me company, if only for a little bit.”

She was about to say no, when something in Leia’s expression made her change her mind. People wouldn’t stop asking her if she was alright, and she was not going to get any rest until she satisfied at least one of them.

Plus… with what she knew now, Leia was probably the only person on this base who was unlikely to be a traitor. 

“I owe you an apology,” Leia said, after a few moments.

“You can hardly take credit for Kylo Ren’s actions,” she said.

“ **Ben** is, indeed, responsible for his own action,” Leia said. “But I feel like I should have offered you better protection. A guard, at the very least.”

“That would defeat the purpose of my training.”

The two sat in silence.

“You did recover quite quickly,” Leia added. “I’m just surprised that he chose to do this of all things.”

Rey thought about it for a second. “Maybe. He does seem to respond a bit… petulantly when he’s out of other options.”

That got a chuckle out of the General. “He does. I suppose it’s a good thing you don’t wear your hair in braids or else he’d be tempted to pull them.” 

“What are you… working on?” Rey asked, hoping to change topics. “You’ve been with those devices for the last few days, haven’t you?”

“Ah, yes.” The General held one out to her. “Funeral disks,” she explained, as Rey studied one. “To be dispatched to… families of those fallen in battle. We won’t have a chance to send anything out safely for weeks, but we so rarely get an opportunity to tell them what happened I— well. Old age does make one sentimental.”

“I don’t think you’re that old,” Rey blurted out, then immediately blushed.

“Ah. Good to see that there is at least one of us who still finds joy in the world.” Leia tapped her fingers against her knee once, twice, three times. “I may not be a Jedi, but I have some affinity to the Force. I know there is more to what happened on that Star Destroyer than you let on. I’m not going to push you - but I hope you will tell me when you are ready.”

Rey nodded, thinking, not for the first time since Ben had kissed her, that the next time she told anybody anything true, it would be with a lightsaber in one hand and a blaster in the other.

***

_How did you know that there is a spy in our midst?_

There was a long-suffering sigh, and then his voice rang through her head. 

_Lucky guess._

Rey focused on pulling her battle staff apart, cleaning each individual piece with a small brush. She hoped that would cover up any unexpected expressions she made as she talked to her co-conspirator. 

_You went pretty quickly from thinking you were destined to destroy us all to telling me there was a traitor. That’s more than just luck._

_You are right. I am clairvoyant, and an excellent actor to boot._

She smiled. A sense of humour? From Ben Solo?

_I guess it’s not so out of left-field. I wouldn’t be surprised if Leia hadn’t planted a spy or two in the First Order._

_She did. Briefly._

_Can you hear the voices now?_ Rey asked, feeling the familiar dread creeping up her spine. Snoke’s words came back to her. Too foolish not to take the bait. Was she trusting him too easily again?

_Not when I am here, with you._ He seemed to place a lot of emphasis on the last three words. _They come when I’m alone, after dark. Never when Luke or Leia try to interrogate me._

_That’s convenient of them._

_Indeed. I should have known that it wasn’t just a random brain fever or a Force ghost._ She could taste the bitterness in those words. _You were far quicker on the uptake. If I was left on my own, I’d have drowned in my own misery._

_I couldn’t believe that a man like Snoke would be capable of planting those images in your head,_ she said, ignoring the compliment. _And anyway, you still jumped from one conclusion to the next too quickly. What are you not telling me?_

Silence.

_You need to trust me, at least._

_There wasn’t one specific thing,_ he conceded. _We seemed to catch a lot of good breaks with the Resistance these last few months. Almost as if someone in the high command had a direct line to you._

_Wouldn’t they brag about it if they did?_

_Not unless we scored a major victory. If a spy had been secured, then their contact would make sure they were given appropriate credit before anybody else did. Killing off a large band of the Resistance Higher Command would have been such a feat, perhaps._ There was a pause. _Or, killing a high-value First Oder prisoner._

Rey’s movements slowed as she mulled this over.

_You’ve been under constant surveillance this whole time._

_And bound. And drugged up to my eyeballs. It would not have been difficult to arrange an accidental choking or overdose._

This ruled out most of the medical team and the guards, at least. Rey breathed a sigh of relief. 

_None of my friends then._

_I wouldn’t make any hasty conclusions just now._ Another pause. _I appreciate the irony of that._

_Would the spy wait this long to try and kill you, if they had access?_

_Possibly. If I were not giving away any secrets, their contact would stand them down. The payoff of killing me would not be worth the future losses if the spy is discovered._

_Unless they make it look accidental._

_Yes. Unless they make it so._

She cleaned her staff in silence for a while, but she still felt him in the background, as if they were sharing a physical space as well as a mental one. 

_What are you doing?_ he asked at length.

_Weapon maintenance. Why? What does it look like to you?_

_Just… solving a puzzle, I suppose. It’s interesting._ He sighed again. _Could you convince Luke and Leia to move me with the other prisoners?_

_Why?_

_It would give the spy more opportunities to make contact with me. Or, alternatively, to try and kill me without being found out themselves._

_You’re too high profile of a prisoner. Leia would never agree._

Ben muttered something that she could not make out.

_Face it,_ she said. _You have to provoke them instead. You have to cooperate and give us a viable lead._

_Yes. I don’t look forward to that._

_You killed Snoke. Don’t pretend you’re a monster. Not to me._

_Killing Snoke does not mean I’m not a monster. I still think it’s too late for this world. However—_ he snapped, before she could object _—I can see that this topic upsets you, so let’s focus on how your friends will need to work me up before I sing._

_We will not work you up._

_Think about this from the spy’s perspective, for a second. As far as the First Order knows, I was loyal until the end. Even if they suspect I was the cause of your escape, they are more likely to assume it was accidental rather than intentional. I believe most of the high command just assumes I’m a lousy fighter that is kept around for the Skywalker blood and nothing else. My temper tantrums certainly didn’t combat that perception._

Rey pondered this. _What’s your point?_

_My point is that my loyalty to the Order was never called into question by anyone except Snoke. Just my skill. The spy would think something was up if I just start talking. If, on the other hand, a group of angry rebels get into my cell to give me a piece of their minds…_

_…then the spy would think you flipped because of cowardice. But would they not expect you to give us bad intel?_

_Very likely. Which is why there is a second step to this plan. If you are up for it._

***

They watched as Rey fidgeted at the dinner table. Eventually, Rose couldn’t help herself.

“Look, you shouldn’t have to act brave on our behalf! That snake in the hold attacked you, of course you are upset.”

Rey shrugged and looked away. “It was my fault,” she said in a half-tone voice. “I dropped my guard. I won’t do it again.”

“That’s bullshit,” Finn said. “He shouldn’t be allowed to act this way toward you.”

Another shrug. She wrung her arms a bit and avoided all their eyes. “I… did hate it,” she said, reliving the memory of way too many unpleasant kisses from her time on Jakku. “But what’s done is done. I— I’m glad it’s over.”

“Miss Rey?” someone said, and she turned to see a group of pilots ambling over. “Pardon us, Miss, but we couldn’t help overhearing,” the head pilot said. “That wasn’t fair. The bastard should pay.”

“No, I don’t want—” Rey started, genuinely alarmed. The head pilot pushed her back in her seat.

“No miss. The bastard killed two of our friends on that big ship,” he said. “Some of us still believe in justice, even if the top brass doesn’t.”

“Hey, now listen here—” Poe started.

“No, no. We know that prisoners cannot be harmed.” The pilot sneered. “We’re just saying that certain things are not acceptable. And we’re not blind to them.”

With that, they walked away. Leaving Rey with a mounting sense of dread.

***

The attack was made at night.

Rey knew that she could not act until it happened. That she shouldn’t even react. But even without linking to Ben, she knew the plan had gone horribly wrong. The second she sensed him in pain, she was sprinting toward the holding cells, battlestaff at hand.

Luke beat her to it.

By the time she reached the door to Ben’s cell, he was frog-marching the pilots out using the Force, his face set in a furious grimace. Rey took one look, and then rushed inside.

Ben hung in his restraints, face bloodied and torn. As Rey loosened the ties and helped him lie down, he spat out a tooth or two, blood trickling down his chin. 

“Are you okay?” she whispered, horrified.

He coughed. “Tell the General… I’m ready to talk.”

***

“You’re not responsible for this,” Finn said, for the hundredth thousandth time, as they made their way to the sick bay. “The guy had it coming for him.”

“If I hadn’t ran my mouth—” Rey took a deep breath. “I should have been more careful.”

“Those pilots lost their friends.”

“But they used me as an excuse.” She paused. “Please, Finn. I need to do this.”

“Not fair, Rey,” he muttered. 

“Fair or not—” Poe said, as he came out the sick bay “—it is what it is. And I, for one, am glad the bastard is talking for a change.”

Rey pursed her lips. “Is he giving Leia anything of value?”

“We can double-check later when his wounds heal.”

“Not his painkillers?”

“That stuff is in short supply.” Poe shrugged. “Prisoners are last in line to get it.”

She chose this moment to push past both of them and into the sick bay. Finn made to follow, but Poe reached out, stilling him. “Come on, I’ve got a better idea.”

“You can’t possibly think that leaving her alone with this guy is a good idea!”

“No, but watching from the observation deck is. Come on.”

The two made their way just in time - the medical droids had pulled away from the prisoner, and Rey was approaching his bedside. Finn tried - and failed - to see what Rey saw in the bastard. He was ugly enough when he wasn’t scarred; now, he resembled dinner more than he did a man. And yet, Rey approached his bedside with such care, you’d think she was tending to one of them and not a mortal enemy.

“Agreed. There’s something that we’re not seeing,” Poe said.

“Wait, did you just read my mind?”

“It’s not like you’re hiding your feelings right now. You might want to - Rey will notice eventually.”

“I’m not— it’s not like— she and I aren’t.” Oh, why was he trying to explain himself to Poe of all people? “I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks this is messed up.”

“I would hardly say that,” Poe replied. Down in the room, Rey was speaking to Kylo Ren - apologizing, from the sound of it.

“But you just—”

“I agree that there is something weird going on. A group of angry officers can’t just get into a prisoner’s cell without raising an alarm; to get away with this much until anybody responds is unheard of. But as for Rey—” Poe raised an eyebrow suggestively “—well… I kind of understand the appeal.”

“You do?” Finn looked down. Now she was holding the monster’s hand. Kylo - who should have been unconscious - turned his face in her direction. His mouth moved, but clearly, his voice was too low because she leaned in. “It’s a mystery from where I’m standing.”

“Come on,” Poe said. “You never wanted anything more because it was forbidden to you?”

“Can’t say that I have. Child soldier, remember?” Though even as he said the words, he sensed he was wrong. He had wanted things all the time. As a stormtrooper, he’d been given precious little to call his own. But there was a difference between wanting to possess a thing - like a nice shirt, or a good blaster - and wanting a person.

Even if it was a stretch to call them a person.

“Okay, point taken,” he said, to satisfy Poe. “I still don’t… oh, you’ve got to be kidding me. He’s crying now?”

Kylo’s body was shaking, for sure, and his features were twisted, as well. Rey was holding his hand and stroking his hair. Finn couldn’t see her face from there, but he was willing to bet whatever little money he had that she was crying, too. 

“For pity’s sake,” Finn muttered.

“Told you. If it’s forbidden - and if it can be fixed - she will want it.” Poe sighed. “I just hope he’s giving her more information and not just being a giant baby.”

Rey nodded once, twice, then stood up - mercifully ending her contact with the monster. She walked all the way to the door before she stopped, turned around, went back to his bedside and turned on the function on the medical droid that would enable giving the patient anesthesia.

“Must be good info,” Finn said, and then left the observation deck.

***

“He gave us wrong information initially,” Rey told Leia. “It was the right coordinations of their munitions factory - but in a wrong quadrant.”

“How do you know he’s not lying to you this time?” Finn asked, but Leia answered instead.

“It makes more sense. The first quadrant is in an area that is a logistical nightmare. Carry on, Rey.”

She gave the woman a grateful smile, then went on. “He also told me that there are several back-up factories in different quadrants - not heavily used, and so not heavily guarded. If we hit them all at once, then we could replenish our supplies and deal the First Order a massive blow.”

“It could work,” Leia said, then turned to Finn. “How does this sound to you?”

The former stormtrooper crossed his arms. He gave Rey a measured look, then said, “I guess… it makes sense. I mean, we never ask where the weapons came from, we just knew they were always a steady supply of them. We need to double-check this info though.”

“We would have had to in any case,” Leia said. “But if it proves correct, and he volunteered it, then that is something, Rey. What did you do to make him change his mind?”

Rey gave a strained smile. Inside her head, she heard his voice - distant and drowsy, but very much amused.

_Tis the power of kindness… At fucking last._

_No painkillers for you next time._ She thought back. To her friends, she just said:

“Something must have made him change his mind. Maybe he didn’t realize just how vulnerable he was here.” 

_Vulnerable indeed._ She could hear his scoff. _If these pilots didn’t have a point, I’d have shown them._

_Save it for the rematch._

_I liked the hair-stroking, by the way. Very nice touch._

“Rey?” Poe asked. “Are you alright?”

“Yes of course. Why?”

“You’re… blushing somehow.”

_Are you now?_

“I… I guess it’s been a weird few days.” She straightened up. “Perhaps we should consider different security measures, though. If we want the prisoner to be able to talk to us, anyway.”

_You could keep me in your room._

_**You** are high._

_Right you are. You can keep me high in your room._

“If the intel proves true, we can bring him with us to a raid. He’d be a piece of collateral nobody would miss… no disrespect, General,” Poe said

Leia just gave a stiff smile. 

Rey looked away… and met Luke’s eyes, as he seized her up across the room. Swallowing, she severed her link to Ben and allowed her Master to speak directly into her thoughts. 

_This attack was much too convenient._

_Yes, Master._

_I take it you will be making a lot of accidental trips down this corridor in the next few days?_

_Yes, Master._

Luke visibly winced.

_Then let us coordinate so that we don’t both waste our time. I don’t like how the security of this base is so selective._

He might have taken the words out of her mouth.

***

Just before she retired for the night, Rey linked with Ben one more time to ensure his healing was indeed on its way. She interrupted him mid-rave, with a terrifying voice whispering poison in his ears.

She stood there, in that mental space, not knowing what to do, before Ben’s own defenses snapped into place and they were alone once more.

_I swear I’ve heard this man before,_ she mused out loud.

_For a very long time, he was me,_ Ben replied. _You should go to sleep. The spy won’t make an attempt on my life tonight, it’s too risky._

_I was just checking in. But if the voices are tormenting you…_ She paused, considering what she was offering. Could she hold the connection for this long? And what would the repercussions be?

_The painkillers are excellent indeed,_ Ben said. _They will keep me in better dreams than I have on my own. You shouldn’t worry._

_I will visit you again tomorrow._

_No need. You played your part great today. No need to gild the lily - although, if I can make a request next time?_

_I hope we won’t be making lying to the Resistance a recurring thing._

_The Resistance shouldn’t make it so easy to lie to them. But more on the topic - next time, can I also have kiss while you’re at my bedside?_

Rey tripped over her own feet and then scrambled back up again. _You really **are** delusional!_

_I thought it’ll give us more verscimilit— realism. Make it look better._

_Listen to me well, because I’ll only say this once! I. Will. Never. Kiss you again._

_I was trying to save you from putting a target on your back last time,_ he called out, voice distant and amused. _Don’t hold it against me._


	5. Bigger Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Star Wars.

The raid on the ammo factories happened two days later. Rey was not invited to it - a fact that surprised her not in the least.

If she’d been the object of mild pity before - what with the whole Killing the Supreme Leader thing - now the rest of the Resistance avoided her like the plague. The idea that she’d been able to “turn” Kylo Ren, not once but several times, seemed to have sapped whatever goodwill people had left toward her, leaving behind suspicion and mistrust. 

When they informed her that she wasn’t going to the raid, she considered arguing. Then, realizing that not even her Master would speak to her, she decided to hold her tongue.

She was, however, the first one to meet them when they returned.

The ships seemed intact. Poe and Finn, thankfully, looked healthy and in one piece. But there was a look on the former’s face that really made Rey worry.

“What happened?” she asked, shouting over the sounds of the engines and the fighters disembarking. “Was it a trap?”

“Not quite.” Poe shook his head. “He was right about the back-up factories. But the main one wasn’t there.”

“He lied?” For once, she was genuinely shocked. Then angry. Then shocked again. 

“No,” Finn interjected. “There had been something there. A long time ago.”

“Not for five years,” Poe said. “So whatever intel he has, it’s old or not relevant.”

“Or, he tricked us into tipping our hand, and the First Order is tracking us back to base again.”

She was already running back toward the building.

***

_You lying snake!_

_I take it they didn’t find everything they were looking for?_

_I **told** you to cooperate. We need you to cooperate. Why are you—_

_Sorry, my uncle is here to see me. You’ll have to check back with me later._

And with that, their connection cut off.

Rey stood, rooted in one spot, before resuming her run toward the holding cells. She got to the observation deck just in time to hear Luke roar:

“DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY, BEN?”

She made to enter the interrogation room, but something made her stop before her hand touched the doorknob. Shocked, she turned to find Leia in one of the corners of the room, hand extended toward her. 

“Let them talk,” the General said, softly. Then, once Rey nodded her ascent, she released her.

The two women settled in front of the glass, watching as the older man tried to make Ben talk. The latter just sat in his seat, as easy as ever, looking completely bored even as Luke threatened him with using the Force to get answers straight from his head.

The memory what that procedure felt like - of being completely and utterly at the mercy of the wielder - made Rey’s skin crawl. 

“He wouldn’t actually do it, would he?” she whispered.

“Who’s to say?” Leia replied, weary.

“Poe said it wasn’t a complete bust though.”

“No, we got some good ammo from those other factories,” she said. “But we put more effort toward what we believed to be the main source of power for the First Order. We had independent sources confirming our initial intel. Even if they had moved the factory in the last few days, surely there would have been some chatter. That there wasn’t… well…”

“—AND IF YOU THINK I WON’T DO IT—”

“I have very little doubt about what you can do,” Ben said. 

It was one of the longest sentences he’d spoken yet, and of course, it surprised Luke enough to make an opening in the conversation. Rolling his head back and fro, the prisoner went on:

“The main source of our weaponry was on those coordinates when I last had access to them - that was over a month ago. If it was moved since, then that is not my concern.”

“How do you move a star-forsaken factory in a matter of days?”

Ben smirked through his cut and bruised lips. “As easily as you would move any other ship.”

Silence. Inside the interrogation room and out.

“The factory… is a ship?” Luke said.

“Of course. Why would the First Order put its main assembly line on something as easy to breach as a planet?”

“And you thought not to tell us… why exactly?”

“I gave you the coordinates - that was the agreement. It’s not my job to hold your hands through it.” 

“He has too much of his father in him,” Leia muttered. Although Ben should not have heard her, he turned his head toward the glass, looking genuinely outraged. “I don’t know whether I liked him better when he was silent all the time.”

Rey couldn’t help a smile. 

_If you were hoping to dispel rumors that we are sleeping together,_ Ben spoke into her head, _you are failing miserably._

_Stop being such a shit and maybe I wont have to._

_Where’s the fun in that?_

“If the main ammunition factory is on a ship, then how could you know its coordinates in the first place?” Luke asked. 

“How else could I ensure that my troops are well supplied?”

Rey groaned and slapped her hand across her face. This was truly awful. Next to her, it sounded like Leia had done the same. In the interrogation room, Ben went on:

“Since you want to talk, might I ask a favor?”

“You’re in no position to negotiate.”

“I just want to have a walk around this cell while I’m talking.” It sounded like he was trying to move in his restraints and failing. “I have been pinned to various chairs and beds since I have arrived. Surely **you** have nothing to be afraid of - I cannot well control the Force with my feet.”

Luke growled. For a second, Rey thought he was going to give up. 

Then, to her surprise, the restraints fell from Ben’s ankles.

“Much obliged,” he said, stretching. First one leg, then another, rotating his feet carefully. Then he stood up and hobbled to the far end of the room, taking each step as gingerly as if the floor was made of glass. They watched that movement as he walked down the length of one wall, then the next. Finally, he spoke again. “The First Order keeps its major logistic suppliers mobile - ammunition, weapons, training of the troops. Fighter ships are repaired and sometimes built on the major Destroyers. However, there is a method. The new locations are announced on the day through encrypted channels, but the actual schedule is rarely altered. That factory I told you about was not to be moved for another month.” 

Rey and Leia exchanged glances.

“Is that a sound idea?” the former asked.

“If you have the resources,” Leia replied. “Star Destroyers are too big to be built on the ground, anyway. It’s not a stretch to take the whole assembly line in the air. Doesn’t explain where they get their raw materials from.”

In the room, the corner of Ben’s mouth turned up as Luke asked the same question.

“How does the Resistance?” he asked back. “Mines. Donations. Scavenge after big battles. That’s not really the main question, anyway.”

“And what is?”

Rey inhaled sharply. “Shit.”

“What?” Leia asked.

“I…” she swallowed. “I think—”

“The First Order doesn’t know I’ve been captured,” Ben said. “So unless you’ve been broadcasting the fact to the entire galaxy, they wouldn’t have a reason to be wary.”

“Their leader was killed.”

“As well as a large part of their high command. It’s not the time to start messing with the logistics, crossing wires, and leaving parts of the fleet in poor supply. If they were afraid, they would have bombed the spare factories ages ago. No—” Ben shook his head “—no. There’s only one explanation. You have a spy in your midst.”

Leia gritted her teeth. “Did you know?” she asked Rey.

“How could I?” 

Luke, meanwhile, was pacing the room, almost in parallel to his nephew.

“Impossible,” he kept muttering, only for Ben to laugh at him.

“Having a girl who had never held a light-saber beat me was impossible,” he said. “And yet, here we are.”

There was a long silence. “You could have sent word to them. Our asking about the factories could have been a signal to them.”

“If you were so imprudent in your enquiries, that’s on you. As for me, I’ve been under monitoring since the scavenger brought me. She, I presume, is under constant observation, too.”

Rey looked at Leia. The latter was studying her hands very carefully.

“Is that—”

“We couldn’t take any chances.”

Ben went on. “As for further proof, you need only look at what happened in my cell. You kept me in solitary to avoid incidents like this happening—” he waved his hand toward his face “—and you don’t believe in luck, the only conclusion is that someone helped them. I hope you’re not letting just anybody observe this conversation.”

Luke stopped his pacing. “Why?”

“Because that’ll make it a lot harder to weed the spy out when the next attempt on my life is made.”

“He seems to underestimate just how much people hate him,” Rey said.

“Most people do,” Leia stood up. “But I’m glad he said that.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s given me a better idea on how to weed out the spy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to get as many chapters of this out as I can, but I'm back to work soon from the holidays. Thank you for your patience and kind comments, everyone.


	6. Viscera

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Star Wars.

Rey had never thought about being a spy before - she hadn’t had to - but now she guessed it was similar to how she had survived on Jakku. You had to read a situation quickly. Calculate when to take action and when to hide. Sometimes, you literally had to bite your tongue to avoid giving yourself away. Sometimes, acting against your own self-interest saved your life. 

_There is that,_ Ben said to her. _But it’s not all. You actively have to integrate. Pursue friendships, even romantic entanglement. You, I believe, would make a terrible spy, the way you react whenever someone even breathes near you._

_I asked you not to reach out unless someone tries to kill you!_

_The droid changing my catheter might as well be. Why are you bothered by the rumor that we’re sleeping together?_

She gritted her teeth. 

She was sat in her room - meditating, supposedly - but her mind kept slipping through her fingers, disappearing into the aether. And, much to her disgust, whenever her thoughts wandered, Ben was there, ready to pick up the spar from where they last left off.

_Because it’s not true._

_Lots of things aren’t. Getting worked up about something usually makes people think there’s a grain of truth in the rumor. Stop reacting, and it’ll die down by itself._

_Were you always this annoying?_

_Just when I’m bored._

Rey sighed, stood up, took her staff and walked down to the holding cells. 

There was another raid going on, and so the guards were down to a skeleton crew. When they saw who she wanted to do, they were more than happy to set up the interrogation room. As soon as they wheeled in the prisoner, they left her alone - no doubt to hide in the observation deck and watch the show. Rey waited until their steps had died down and then unclipped the cuffs on Ben’s ankles. 

“Exercise time,” she said. “But no funny business.”

He smirked, stretching his legs. _That’s not exactly nonchalance._

_Take a gift when it’s offered to you!_

“How’s your face?” she asked out loud.

“You can’t tell?” Ben stood up, slowly, and turned his face this way and that. The bruises had gone down a bit, but it was still pretty ugly. The medical droids were saving up every bit of antibac cream they could for the fighters, leaving Ben to heal on his own.

“It’s an improvement from before,” she said.

“From the last time you saw me?”

“From your usual face.”

He chuckled. _Still failing._ “Why’d they send you here?”

“You gave good intel before. We want to know more.”

“I see. And what do I get in return.”

“You have your restraints off right now. Isn’t that enough?”

Ben chuckled. _No really. Why are you here?_

“I like my limbs where they are,” he said. “Not having to lose them to inactivity is nice. Hardly enough for me to tell more secrets, though.”

 _Maybe I’m bored too._ Rey thought at him. _Maybe pretending to meditate in my room is not enough for me anymore._

“So what would be enough?” she asked out loud. 

The guards in the observation deck were shuffling. She could feel their curiosity, yet couldn’t bring herself to use the Voice to get them to go away. It seemed mean… and Master Luke would know. 

“I can think of a few things,” Ben said. _I don’t suppose Leia has clued you in on her plan yet?_

_It’s need to know only. I don’t need to know._

“Do you enjoy being this gross?” she asked him. “Or are you just trying your father’s persona out for size?”

“You don’t think Solo was gross. You liked him.” _I should think this concerned you directly?_

“He didn’t have to try so hard.” _You don’t tell me everything either. Some info should be kept hidden._

“Ah, yes.” He returned to the chair, easing into it as gracefully as a bound man could. “You would know about trying hard.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Remember our conversation? About your parents?” He cocked his head to the side. Rey waited for the inevitable mental commentary, but to her surprise, the part of his mind that was open to her was as quiet as his actual self. “How they were—”

“That’s none of your business,” she snapped.

“Isn’t it? Then why are you really here?” he smirked. “I think you want me to pry. In fact, you love it when I pry.”

“You are delusional.” She stood up. _What game are you playing?_

No response. Not a mental one, anyway.

“You were hoping you descended from some noble Jedi line. A lost Skywalker, or a Kenobi. Being nothing hurts. But you have no idea how lucky you are.”

“Because I have less of a past to kill?” She didn’t have to feign being angry. She felt the shame as hot and as powerful as the moment she had gone in search for the truth.

“Because you understand just how important it is to let the past die.” He stood up, but instead of coming toward her, he walked to the far side of the room and started to slowly pace the wall. The guards in the observation room rustled, but made no attempt to come in. “Tell me something, how do you think the First Order rose up?”

“Are you giving me a **history** lesson now?” she gasped.

“I suppose it didn’t matter to you before,” he said, seemingly taken in by the sound of his own voice. “And the Empire? Come on, you didn’t think we just showed up one day with a fully trained army and a Death Star, without having to collect a single tax, right?”

“How would I know?”

He turned and smiled. “The answer is the same every time. Because they let us.”

Rey crossed her arms. “Right, sure. Finn’s parents just let your recruiters snatch him up. Those planets you destroyed shouldn’t have been there. Are you going to comment on my clothing next?”

“It suits you well,” he said. “And no, that is not my point.”

“You mean you had one?”

“Naturally.”

“Then make it!”

Ben leaned fully against the wall. “Palpatine convinced an entire Galactic Senate to hand over power to him - and they did so gladly. To be sure, there was a bigger threat at hand, but they could have solved it in a number of other ways. They chose a tyrant to do their thinking for them. A few decades passed, and then came Luke Skywalker, slaying Darth Vader and bringing the Empire down - and what did the Resistance do?” He paused, as if waiting for her to answer.

“My life started on Jakku and that is all it was until I found BB-8.”

“Exactly.” He pushed off and walked a few paces, until he stood behind his chair. Too far for her to feel in genuine danger, but closer than during this entire conversation. “The Resistance enjoyed relative peace for what? Two decades? Three? They had almost as much time as the Emperor, and they spent that time trying to rebuild what never was. Poverty soared. Planets descended into petty disputes. Your own precious General spent twenty years alone trying to resurrect the Senate; the very Senate that handed Palpatine the keys to the galaxy. Meanwhile, children like you were being sold for drink money and left to fend for themselves. Trade routes became a hunting ground for pirates and smugglers. People forgot their history - if they ever learned it in the first place.”

She felt her face heat up. Ben had never said so much - and what he did now made her all kinds of uncomfortable.

 _What are you getting at?_ she shouted down the link.

He smirked. 

“I do agree with Luke - the Jedi order deserved to become extinct. Thing is, he wasn’t any better than them. He was as much in love with the idea of resurrecting the past as anybody else. And so, the new peaceful galaxy was left ripe for the picking. The First Order was just the fastest one on the uptake.

“You want to know why I wanted to let the past die, Scavenger? Why I was willing to kill it, if I had to? This is why.”

Several things clicked into place then.

He really did believe this stuff.

He was not sorry for it.

And he expected **her** to agree with that. 

Suddenly, Rey could see why Master Luke had given up on this man. She understood - with a horrible clarity - the way he was justifying his own actions to himself. He believed himself to be ultimately correct, that his means would be justified by history. 

She saw it. And she also knew why he was wrong. 

“Tell me something,” Rey said, voice thick. “What did it feel like, when you killed your father?”

Ben froze. His smirk - so far, so genuine - seemed suddenly strained. “What difference does that make?”

“You said you didn’t hate him, but you killed him because he represented the past. I’m asking you now - how did it feel, when you finally did it?”

His hands tightened on the back of the chair. 

_Be honest. I was._ She urged him.

“It felt like I was being cleaved in two,” he said, finally. “It still feels this way.”

“What about when the General nearly died?” She’d seen his memory. She knew he had witnessed the bridge being blasted apart, even if he hadn’t been the one to pull the trigger. 

“Like another part of my soul died. But that was to be expected. This is warfare.”

“If you truly believed that, then you wouldn’t be sitting here right now,” Rey snapped. “You wanna know what I think?”

“What?”

She took a moment to steel herself. “I think you want to be right. You see that I’m a nobody - a scavenger with no lineage, an aberration that just happened to be touched by the Force - and you think that if I accepted you, it would confirm everything you know. The poor and the down-trod, siding with the First Order.” Rey shook her head. “But I never asked you people to kill in my name. Nor did anybody like me ask for the First Order. You just use us to make yourselves feel better.”

“You don’t understand,” he snarled.

“I do. You killed Han, but it brought you no relief. Leia nearly dying was not a happy moment, either.” Rey leaned back. “If the past was so rotten - if everything the Republic and the Senate stood for was so wrong - then killing it would have been a relief for you.”

She picked up her staff and pointed at the chair. “Your exercise time is over. Sit back down.”

He stared at her.

“Sit. Down.” _Please._ She added.

Finally, Ben straightened up. She tensed, readying for a surprise attack, but he just did as she ordered. He even placed his own feet in the restraints, instead of making her use the Force. Without another word, Rey turned and left. 

It wasn’t until she was in the corridor that she finally heard him through the link again.

 _Well,_ his voice was wry. _At least the guards are convinced of your disgust now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to work tomorrow. May the Force be with us all.


	7. What's my name?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Star Wars.
> 
> I should probably say I've also only seen the movies and heard snippets of what the graphic novels are about.
> 
> Eh... this was never gonna be cannon anyway.

A week passed without incident.

Or… as much without incident as possible.

Finn was sure that Rey had lost a few pounds, the amount of time she spent in the training rooms, but no matter how many times he tried to get her to join him and the others for activities (cards, meals, fixing ships even) she said no, citing training. If he were a betting man, he would have said she was looking for excuses to see the prisoner, but that wasn’t even the case.

Kylo Ren was in full solitary. Not even the jailers went to see him - just medical droids, and only after they’d been vetted by BB-8. His little outburst to Rey had proved to everyone - and Leia in particular - that he couldn’t be trusted as far as he could spit. 

And Rey…

Rey…

“Chasing glowworms again, Finn?” Poe’s voice made him jump and drop the bucket he’d been carrying. At least the damned thing was empty - all it did now was raise a horrible din.

“Sorry Commander,” he said, coughing. “I err… I guess I was.”

“At least you’re on solid ground,” the pilot laughed, and patted him on the back. The two picked up the bucket and went to fill it. They’d ran out of the fancy humidifiers for the X-wings ages ago, so they had resorted to the old-fashioned way - filling the tanks with regular water and making sure that it boiled at just the right temperature so as to not cause any of the pilots dehydration on long stretches of flight.

Meanwhile, their resources went to re-purposing all the ammo they’d stolen from the First Order. If only they had people to fire it… or ships to attach it to.

Finn had heard the phrase “white elephant” being brandied about, even though he had no idea what it meant.

“I suppose we could have redistributed our efforts a bit more,” Poe said, after Finn asked him. “Maybe if we made the prisoner give us different coordinates or something. But I guess we make the best of the situation.”

“Don’t think that’s possible. Rey was lucky to get as much out of him.”

Poe went quiet.

Finn walked with him for a while, trying to muster up the courage to ask. “Hey… she isn’t very different from before, is she? Rey, I mean? We didn’t lie to the General the other day when she asked after her?”

“What? No. Of course not.” Poe shook his head. 

“But?”

“What do you mean, but?” he shrugged. “I know you like Rey - I like her too.”

“You’re holding something back. I can tell.”

They walked past the X-wings: fewer than they were before, fewer than they had ever been, and the people milling around looked on with indifference. Finn hadn’t felt so anonymous since his days on a First Order cruiser. He used to think that all he’d need to be happy is escape. Then he did, and realized that it wasn’t enough to run - he had to fight. He’d found his people - found his true friends - but the more time he spent the more down and out he felt. What would it take for there to be a true new beginning? 

The Order, certainly, wasn’t about to die on its own.

He said as much to Poe. The other man was silent for a long time until he finally burst out.

“What do you want me to say, Finn? That I’m happy about this?” They set the bucket down and Poe rubbed the small of his back. “We fight and we fight and we fight, and we can’t catch a single break. And yeah - I’m not happy that we’re indulging that rat bastard in the hold. But it’s not like there’s anything we can do about that.”

“There has to be. You are constantly telling me not to wait, to take action in our hands.”

“Yeah? And what do you suggest we do? Kill him?” Poe snorted. “Listen, I’m not a big fan of the whole ‘rise above’ spiel. And I actually knew the people he killed, Finn. Those were my friends he blew up in that hanger. His mates blasted my comrades out of the sky when we were at our weakest. But—”

“But?” The words cut him. **His** friends. **His** comrades. Finn had more in common with Kylo Ren on this base than he did the rest of the Resistance in that moment. “Come on. What stops us from going there and giving him a piece of our minds?”

Poe shook his head.

“We kill him now, we make him a martyr. The First Order is dying for us to do it - if we broadcast the execution, they will have a propaganda tool like nothing before. The Almighty Skywalkers turning on one of their own. They’d eat that up.”

“He’s a war criminal.”

“He’s their golden boy. They earn more from his death than they do from his life.” 

“Strike me down in anger, and I will rise up stronger,” Finn whispered, as if in a trance. 

Poe made a face. “I wouldn’t go that far,” he said, running his hand through his hair. “All those people he’s killed… and the bastard isn’t losing any sleep over them.”

***

The bastard in question sat in his cell, trying to focus on the sound of dripping water. It worked - but only marginally - to drown out the other hateful sound in his head.

_Find her catch her kill her. She makes you weak. Can’t you see she wants you humiliated? Can’t you see the Resistance is just trying to use you? End this. End this now!_

His hands trembled. Water. He had to focus on the water.

Drip. Drip.

_Kill. Kill._

Drip. Drip.

_…will have you destroyed…_

Drip.

_…remember…_

Drip.

_…remember what happened last time…_

“Hey, kid.”

His eyes opened with a snap, only to meet a pair that was exactly the same. As green as his, but surrounded by laugh lines and crow’s feet and a lifetime of frowns. 

Groaning, he leaned back against the wall. “You’re not real.”

“Yeah?” Han Solo looked around. “I feel pretty real.”

“I’m losing my mind. My brain is conjuring you because the old stuff isn’t working anymore.”

“Yeah. I can hear the other guy. He sure seems to love the sound of his own voice.” Han pretended to clean his ear with one finger. “Is that why you’re running your mouth all the time, Ben? Trying to drown him out?”

“That’s not my name!”

His voice echoed from the walls of his chamber. But nobody came to see what was happening. They knew not to - they were weary. 

As they should be.

“I’m sorry,” Han said, finally. “I got no idea what it’s like. But you didn’t make either of us up, kid. We’re real.”

“That’s what a figment would say.”

The older man laughed - one short, quick burst of laughter - before rolling to his feet and walking around. Looking closely, the signs that he was a Force ghost were all there. But it was hard to believe. Hard to truly know.

He tried to reach out to Rey, but her mental shields were up - all the way up. He’d thrown himself against them several times these last few days, and all he’d ended up with was a bruised ego.

“Serves me right,” Han said, finally. “I used to think I was hot shit, surviving as I did without the Force… and now I can’t even help my own son find his way back.”

“I’m not your son.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. You said.” He turned and gave him a funny look. “Trying to reach Rey again? Come on, Ben, ease up. I remember what it’s like to be this young, but even I had a bit more dignity than this.”

“Are you **looking** to get killed again?”

“Bah! There’s nothing you can do to me that can actually hurt anymore.” The ghost sat down next to him. “What if I told you something only I would know? Would that convince you that you aren’t losing your mind?”

In truth, it probably wouldn’t.

Even now, he oscillated between delusional hope and utter despair. He believed it when he told Rey that there was a spy in the Resistance, that Snoke must have been a front for the real puppet-master, that all is not as it seemed… but the longer the hours dragged, the easier it became to believe his own head was turning against him. After all, he had been easy prey for Snoke. None of the other Jedi apprentices had fallen as deeply or as hard.

“Tch.” Han sighed. “I should have put my foot down harder when Luke offered to train you. My gut told me it was a bad idea, but he kept insisting. ‘He can’t go on like this, Han! He’s got no idea on how to handle that power!’ And then along came Rey, with just as much power as you, and she was just fine without any training. More fool me - I should not have trusted him.”

“Like you could have done anything to stop him.”

“Eh. I don’t know about that.”

Drip. Drip. Drip.

He wondered where that water was coming from. He knew that the base wasn’t the newest thing in the world, but surely he wouldn’t be offered a way to escape so easily. And if he did, so what? Where would he go? He was, well and truly, alone in the galaxy.

The ghost was still talking.

“…could’ve at least taken you on more trips with me. Helped you see more of the galaxy.”

“You think this happened because we didn’t **bond** enough?”

“Hell, I don’t know. I never got a chance to do that with my old man. I figured it was worth a shot.” Han shrugged. “Luke is a Jedi - that’s all he has. And Leia is… well… she’s Leia.” He smiled. “The universe itself cannot contain her. Me? For the longest time, it was just Chewie and me, fending for ourselves left and right. Can’t say it was a picnic, but at least it taught me up from down. Luke took you in before you even knew what the world was like - I kept thinking that, if maybe I just had you for longer, you would have been more grounded.”

He turned to stare at him. 

Never in his life had he heard his father admit that he was wrong.

And of course, it was _exactly_ the sort of trick his mind would play on him. 

But it felt sincere.

“I’m sorry, Ben.”

“That’s not my name.”

“Then what is it?”

He didn’t know. He wasn’t sure. Kylo Ren? That didn’t fit anymore, either. Kylo Ren would have felt no hesitation to strike an unarmed man. Kylo Ren was not visited by Force ghosts. Kylo Ren did not feel guilt.

Han shook his head. “That’s my point, kid. I let Luke take you into his world of… Jedi mumbo-jumbo, without teaching you anything real first. Maybe if I had, you’d know what Rey was talking about.” 

The ghost started to fade around the edges. 

A sudden panic gripped him. “Wait, dad—”

But before he could finish speaking, the ghost was gone. 

And he was alone again with the sound of water… and the poisoned whisper inside his own mind.


	8. What does it for you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Star Wars.
> 
> I don't even own enough of the graphic novels to make this damned thing accurate to the universe.

She was woken up early one morning and led, without further explanation, to the Millennium Falcon. Rey couldn’t help feeling like the rebels were escorting her to an execution site.

The sky above the base was still dark, and no-one stirred in the rooms as she followed the surly guards through the compound. Were they still asleep? Or did they just not want to see her off? Her unease compounded when she saw the rest of the Falcon’s crew - Poe, Finn, Chewie, the three droids… and Ben Solo, hog-tied and gagged for good measure. 

“This is the last one,” the guards said, pushing her in. They turned to Chewbacca and nodded. “Take them into orbit. Apparently C-3PO knows where to go from there.”

Chewie growled.

“I don’t know what direction,” the guard replied. “I’m just repeating what the general told me.”

Everyone turned to C-3PO, but the droid just shook his head. “I am not at liberty to commence my briefing. I’m sorry.”

Well, wasn’t this just brilliant? Rey took her bag - which she had kept packed and ready, because habit was tough to break - and settled as far away from the prisoner as possible. She had some idea what this was about, and she didn’t like it one bit.

***

It took several hours - and multiple jumps - before Chewie announced that they were far enough. Far enough for what, Finn still didn’t know. Between the secrecy, the hulking presence in the far corner of the ship, and his friends’ sullenness, he was just about ready to explode with frustration when C-3PO stood up. The golden droid walked up to the middle of the deck and gave a loud (and unnecessary) cough. 

“Thank you for coming,” he said.

Everyone just stared at him.

“I truly appreciate you taking the time from your busy days—”

“C… Just get to the point,” Poe said stifling a yawn. Finn looked over and saw Kylo Ren rolling his eyes.

“Right.” C-3PO looked… well… the droid version of despondent came to mind. “Well. Princess… I mean, General Organa has given me some pretty strict instructions and I didn’t want… never mind. 

“Following the interrogation of prisoner Ben Solo, it has been independently confirmed that there is a spy among the Galactic Rebellion. As both ourselves and the First Order have been significantly weakened by… recent events… finding the spy is of the utmost importance. To do so, the General has entrusted you with the prisoner, and will proceed to find the spy by releasing selectively chosen information about your mission to specific individuals.”

“So that means we’ve been cleared of charges already,” Poe muttered. “That’s an honour.”

“Your mission,” C-3PO went on, “Is to strike another one of the First Order strongholds, based on information provided by the prisoner.”

“And we’re supposed to believe he’ll just tell us?” Finn exclaimed.

“If the prisoner leads you into a trap, or is uncooperative…” the droid paused “…you are given permission to throw him out of an airlock.”

Silence.

“The General has a weird sense of humour,” Finn said.

Chewie growled. _He_ didn’t seem to dislike that idea at all.

“Communications are to be kept to a strict minimum,” C-3PO went on. “It is of the utmost importance that your mission is kept secret. The safety of the Rebellion and all that support it rely on you.” He paused. “May the Force be with all of us.”

At least it was a plan. Finn didn’t know what to make of the fact that Rose wasn’t with them, though. Was she really a suspect? Had her actions not proven her loyalty? He thought defying Vice-Admiral Holdo for the sake of saving the fleet had been the proof everybody needed that they were on the side of the Light, but apparently that wasn’t always the case.

And why did _they_ have to babysit the monster? Would he not have made excellent bait?

“I guess that leaves us with one question,” Poe said, getting up and ripping the gag from Ren’s mouth. “Where are we heading next?”

The prisoner did not reply immediately. Working his jaw, he appeared to be distracted by some of the shinier panels above head, before saying:

“Your General’s hope springs eternal.”

Before Poe - or anybody else - could say anything, Chewbacca had crossed the bridge to where the prisoner sat. Hauling him up by the throat, the Wookiee roared and punched him in the stomach. That got… maybe a flinch and a little cough out of the prisoner, before he shook his head. “Really? Starting with the insults already?”

That got him another punch - this one doubling him over - before he was dropped into a heap on the floor. Finn couldn’t say he was upset, but looking over at Rey…

She had a funny expression on her face. Distant and yet… angry. 

Was she upset about how the prisoner was behaving? After what he’d done to Han? 

Her voice was cold, however, when she spoke. “Being a smartass won’t help you. Just tell us our destination.”

Kylo chuckled. “Oh. I’ll tell you your destination alright. But you won’t enjoy it.”

***

“Kijimi,” Poe muttered, as he and Chewie entered the coordinates, “Of all the places, he chooses Kijimi. If I wasn’t under orders, I’d have thrown the bastard out into space already.”

Chewbacca growled.

“Yeah, I know,” Poe agreed. “It is unfair. I just wish we’d been given more time to prep.”

“Is Kijimi a significant place for you?” Rey asked from the door. She had considered meditating, but knew she wouldn’t be able to. Even if she locked Ben away, she’d still know he was close, and that seemed enough to throw her off her game. She needed to get better - stronger, too. But she couldn’t start. 

Tomorrow, she always told herself. She’d start at first light.

Needless to say, other people’s problems felt so much more interesting.

Poe half-turned into his seat, lips pursed tightly. “Not a lot of happy memories there,” he said. “And there are more than a few people who won’t be happy to see me.” 

“You could stay on the Falcon,” she offered. “Provide us with support from the air.”

“No.” He shook his head. “No. We still don’t know if the bastard is leading us into a trap or not. If worst comes to worst, having someone who knows the place there will save our lives.”

“I guess you’re right,” she said, feeling a familiar dead weight in her stomach.

“You don’t think he will? Betray us?” Poe asked.

“I’m not sure what to think.” She glanced back. Ben was sat in his corner. His eyes were moving behind closed lids, his breath was even. He was either soundly asleep or doing a fantastic impression of it. “Just as I thought I’d figured him out, he turns around and does something…”

“Horrible? Monstrous? Utterly disgusting?”

“…I suppose it doesn’t matter.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “I should focus on the mission. Not his mental state.”

“The problem is that the mission kinda relies on his mental state,” Poe said. “We can’t just get to Kijimi and shell the place - we need to know exactly which supply point of the First Order we are hitting. We also need to figure out exactly how well guarded it is. And if we cannot trust his intel—” he nodded towards Ben’s sleeping form “—then we need to come up with a plan of learning the truth now, before it’s too late.”

Rey nodded. “I know. I understand.”

Behind her, Finn cleared his throat. “This probably isn’t the right time, but— Rey, what is it that’s bothering you about this? Surely you can look in his head to see if he’s lying?”

Her breath caught. He knew of this?

“I mean, he reads minds,” Finn went on. “You can use the Force for that, too, right? I know Luke didn’t want to do it, but if it comes to it, you can do that, right?”

“I can.” She swallowed. “But I don’t want to spend more time in his head than I have to.” 

“Yeah, I heard he gave you his little ‘the First Order is correct, the Republic is hypocritical’ speech. Was it as full of shit as the guards said?”

“It was worse,” she said.

Finn, however, seemed utterly confused. And so, Rey had to repeat everything back to him. How Ren actually saw himself as being on the right side. How he saw his actions as justified. How all the ends justified the means.

It had made her skin crawl, and it had made her want to weep.

Because in all honesty, how she could have fallen into that exact sort of thinking. A few more years on Jakku, one humiliation too many at the hands of the scrap traders, and she could have well decided that joining a genocidal cult was a good idea. 

“Sometimes, I wonder if I even did get through to him,” she said. “I really am a fool.”

Finn snorted. “That’s so far from the truth, it’s in another galaxy.”

“Oh?” 

“We didn’t tell you what we got up to while you were training, did we?” Poe asked. 

“We did too many things. But that’s besides the point,” Finn said, a little too quickly. “Rose never told you her story either. She was from a mining system that the First Order raided to pay for their supplies. She and I went to this casino to look for a Master Codebreaker and… well… we also met the people who bankroll the First Order.”

Rey frowned. “What do you—”

“Warmongers,” Poe explained. “The ones rich enough not to care if a few planets get blown up. Come on, you didn’t think the First Order applied for a loan from the Galactic Co-op, did you?”

“Seems like a high-risk venture,” Rey said.

“It must have paid in the days of the Empire,” Finn said, shrugging. “All I can tell you is, those people were rich. Embarrassingly rich. And they did not care for human life.”

He told her of the cruelties he’d seen inflicted on people there - the ways in which life itself seemed to be for sale - and said, “Listen, he can believe in what he wants. But the truth is, the First Order is keeping the worst people in the galaxy in business. You’ve got to ask yourself whether this fancy ideology isn’t just a giant smokescreen, there to lure fools to their side.”

Rey shook her head and looked at the star display. “I suppose you’re right.” And she could have been one of the fools to fall for it.

Somewhere, at the back of her mind, something snapped. She frowned, wondering if her mental shields had fallen. 

But no. No, everything was in place.

Glancing back, she found that Ben was still asleep. But as she dropped her guard a little and tested their connection, a feeling of nausea swept over her, nearly making her double over.

She couldn’t get through.

All she could feel was anguish, resonating through her body like a scream.

***

Three standard cycles later, they stopped at an abandoned moon to recuperate and stretch their legs. Kijimi was not far out - maybe half a standard cycle - and they hadn’t been able to get any more information from the prisoner yet. In fact, they hadn’t been able to get a word out of him at all. Even Rey couldn’t link with his mind.

They had to make some sort of decision.

The idea had come up as Poe and Finn played a game with Chewie. Rey hadn't liked it, but got outvoted. "We need to know," said Poe. "We can't trust him." 

That was true. They couldn't. She still hated it. 

Though abandoned, the moon was equipped with a gravity pull and enough oxygen to provide for any party that stopped there. It also had plenty of tall craters that they could land in and explore without being detected from space. Rey waited until the others had disembarked, before she stealthily moved the Falcon a kilometer or two away.

The last thing she heard as she prepared to lift off was Poe saying: “Exercise time, Junior.”

By the time she made her way back to where she’d left them, Poe, Finn and Chewie had all had two rounds against the prisoner. His hands were still bound and he didn’t have a weapon on him, yet somehow he seemed to have held his own against the other fighters with just a split lip and a black eye to show for it. Rey forced herself not to wince at the sight. She would not feel sorry for him. She was too scared of what she might do, if she extended him another olive branch.

“And now for the main event,” Ben said, wiping at his lip. 

“Unbind him,” Rey said. 

“We didn’t agree…”

“This is a fair spar,” she said. “And we’re keeping it fair.”

Poe muttered something about over-confidence, but Ben’s smirk just widened even more. As the cuffs came off, he rubbed his wrists and rolled his neck. Far from being broken up about the fight, he seemed genuinely energized. 

Rey embedded her staff into the ground and walked up to him.

“Ready for another round?” she asked.

“I’m always ready for you, scavenger,” he said, his tone as intimate as his stance wasn’t.

 _Arrogant snake._ She shouted down the link.

He shrugged, unmoved. The two circled each other for a bit… and then, without warning, he charged at her.

She waited until he was within striking distance before ducking, slamming her fist into his groin, and then swept his ankle. Ren curled in on himself, turning the fall into a roll in the last minute, and stood. He was hunched over - a sign she hadn’t struck as had as she’d liked - but the damn grin was still on his face. 

“If that’s how you wanted to play, you should have just asked,” he said.

Rey growled and launched herself at him again.

It was supposed to be a spar.

Instead, it quickly turned into a proper scrap. He had been immobilized for ages, sure, but he was bigger and stronger, and had no qualms using that against her. Rey abandoned all rules of proper combat pretty quickly, favoring dirty kicks, scratches, and even hair pulls just so that she could get the upper hand. It wasn’t until she managed to capture one of his arms, pinning it to his side, that she wondered why the others hadn’t intervened.

One look gave her an answer. They were staring as if this was the most fun thing they’d ever seen.

Ben tensed his arm, almost breaking free. She swept his feet, bringing both of them to the ground. Straddling his back, she tried to choke him out, pressing at his trachea with her forearm.

A sound came from the man. It took her seconds to realize it was laughter.

“Yield,” she snarled in his ear. 

“No… choice…” he choked out through his wheezes. “I yield.”

She let go immediately, to applause from the crew and droids. Even BB-8 seemed impressed, the little traitor.

Ben coughed and rolled onto his back, wiping his nose like some schoolkid on a playground. “Right,” he coughed. “Now that the hazing is over, are you lot going to ask your questions, or shall I guess?”

Rey looked down on him, unimpressed. “You weren’t telling us anything. What were we supposed to do? Offer you flowers?”

The bastard kept grinning. “So my reward for silence is spending time between your legs? I think I like this arrangement.”

Too late, Rey realized she was still straddling him. A few inches lower, and she probably would have had confirmation of how he felt about the situation.

Forcing herself not to blush or jump ten feet in the air, she gave him a haughty look and a smirk. “That’s all it takes for you? The Dark Side must not automatically bestow charm then.”

Chewie roared his approval while Finn and Poe laughed. C-3PO let out a scandalized yelp. 

Ben’s smirk seemed a little bit too strained as she - slowly - rose up on her feet. “Ask your questions already,” he groused.

“Not just yet.” She used the Force to pin him down, and bind his arms before letting him rise. “Are you going to cooperate or will we have to leave you in a stasis pod for this mission?”

“You want to take me to Kijimi?” he asked, laughing. “You are brave, aren’t you.”

Her heart was still pounding from the fight. She felt like she might throw up. “Do you promise?”

“Ah, so be it,” he laughed. “Might as well go out with a bang.”

What was his problem? She frowned and tested the link, but there was still nothing on his end. Nothing, that was except misery and void. And then it occurred to her - all this time, he hadn't used the Force once. Not even when his hands had been unbound.

*** 

On their way to the Falcon, Poe finally asked what they were going to hit. “Is it the ammo ship again?”

“No, this one is easier,” Ben said, hobbling in front of the group like a wounded porg. “The Order will be short on soldiers. Kijimi is a haven for smugglers and mercs. They will be visiting soon to replenish their ranks.”

“What, you mean all the time?” Poe snorted. “How will we even know they are coming?”

“Because it’s on schedule.” He paused and looked at them. “The ships that gather new stormtroopers always stop at Kijimi at the end of their rounds. And they are due to come by tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for your kind words and patience. I appreciate all of you taking the time to read!


	9. Out of Practice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Star Wars.
> 
> Just a lot of feelings about this damned sequel trilogy.

When you thought about it, it was kind of a decent plan, actually.

The first order went gathering its soldiers periodically. It trained and brainwashed in situ, but it still needed to take the necessary trips to capture the recruits. By the time they got to Kijimi - aka the place where they could get the paid assassins - the crews of the ships were tired, cranky, battle-worn, and ready for more than just a little downtime. 

A perfect time, then, for a stealth attack.

Finn relayed this - without acknowledging that it was a good plan - to the others, while explaining what the likely security of those ships was. “They would have no more than 2 guards on each, relying on droids to keep the rest in check—”

“Unless someone told them the Supreme Leader is dead, in which case there would be four,” Kylo Ren said.

“They could hire mercs from Kijimi for the extra security. The captains are known to cut corners when they’re tired.” Finn looked at Poe. “You may even know some of those mercs.”

The rebel commander coughed and looked away. “It’ll be best if they aren’t.”

“On that note, how well have you hidden your past?” Kylo asked Poe, raising an eyebrow. “Would anybody on Kijimi expect you to drop in for a cup of sugar and a chat?”

Poe growled at him. “I left Kijimi never to return. No-one there would think I’m crazy enough to try it.”

“But would they raise the possibility to the First Order? Maybe in exchange for some coin and a favor?”

Rey, who was cleaning her blaster in the corner, pursed her lips in a thin line. She was doing that a lot lately, Finn noticed, and he hated that he noticed. 

Despite her victory on that moon, her mood had deteriorated as they approached Kijimi. Combined with what she’d been saying and how she’d been acting lately, and he had reached a single conclusion - she’d been disillusioned completely, and she was hurt because of it.

Finn wanted to tell her it wasn’t her fault. That you can’t help somebody who doesn’t want to be helped. She wouldn’t like the presumption, but maybe she’d appreciate the gesture. He knew better than anyone what it was like, to be without friends in the world. He wanted her to know that at least one person had her back. 

Back to the matter at hand, Poe had gotten into the prisoner’s face.

“I know what I’m doing, you piece of shit. You, on the other hand—”

“What? What am I?”

Poe grabbed him by the collar. “You killed my friends. So many of my friends. Don’t think I can’t see through your little act. You smelled the tides turning, and you jumped ship while you could. You’ll do it again soon enough, if you think you have the chance?”

Ren raised an eyebrow. “I asked you about your old life because we are going on your old planet. Interesting that you make it about my actions.”

“You were Snoke’s lapdog.”

“While you are the most virtuous fighter in all of the Resistance.”

“If you two don’t ease off,” Rey said, not looking up from the blaster, “I will throw both of you out into space.”

Finn sighed. “Maybe we all need a coffee break or something.”

“No, no,” Poe said, looking around. “Let’s hear it. Come on, wiseass, tell us what you think. Best get it out there while we can still turn around.”

Finn groaned. 

This was going nowhere.

“You want to know what I think?” Ren repeated, as if puzzled. 

“I said so, didn’t I?”

“I don’t think you want to. In fact, I don’t think any of you want to hear what I have to say.”

“That’s because nothing that comes out of your mouth is worth listening to.”

The prisoner smirked. How was it that someone in such circumstances could behave like he was running the ship? 

“What I think,” he said, slowly, as he stood up from his chair. “What I think, Commander, is that your tenure is a string of failures, one after the other. What I think is that you constantly overestimate yourself, and that ends up hurting everyone else. So forgive me for not being terribly comforted by your assessment of your own home planet.”

Poe looked positively murderous. “Here’s a failure for you: your leader is dead. You’re trussed up like a turkey in an enemy ship. Your oder is at the Resistance’s mercy. How about that?”

“Rey and I killed Snoke,” Kylo Ren said. “The Resistance is as much at my mercy as the First Order is at yours. And as for these bindings—” he laughed and pulled at them, shredding them like paper “—are a gesture of goodwill, not a restraint. But I wasn’t talking about the checks and balances of war, Commander. I was talking about your own failures.”

Finn gaped as the prisoner offered his wrists to Chewbacca to bind again. Poe was stuttering like fish out of water. 

“My—”

“You had orders not to attack the Dreadknot, but you did - costing your fleet all of its bombers and half its X-wings. Then, when your commanding officer ordered you to stand down, you started a mutiny, causing the Resistance strife at a time when they were on their last legs. And then there was the plan you were trying to enact—”

Finn suddenly felt the weight of that gaze, and had to brace his feet against the floor to try and escape. “We did what we thought was best—”

“You did, indeed. And your Master Codebreaker betrayed you as soon as he got caught.” There was that smirk again. That smirk that everyone on this ship was starting to loathe. “Did it occur to you that you could have had a much better outcome if you’d just sat tight and followed orders? Hux and Phasma wouldn’t have thought to run a decloaking scan without prompting. The Resistance would have lost a few ships, but you would have made it to a safe harbour with ten times as many survivors. Rey’s actions would not have been impacted - she came on Snoke’s ship by her own initiative, and against the wishes of her Master. So, no, Commander. I do not trust your judgment. Your judgment is what gets people killed.”

Poe stared at him in shock.

Finn was no better.

Even Chewie seemed taken aback.

Rey was the one to speak up first. “You really are an asshole sometimes,” she said, setting her blaster down, before walking off in the direction of the weapons room.

It wasn’t long until their final stop.

***

Two ships were there, just as he’d said they would.

They weren’t the usual First Order fare - in fact, they had more in common with the Falcon than they did with any of the Dreadknots. But there was an unmistakable energy coming from them. A concentrated misery that anybody in tune with the Force could feel.

Rey didn’t know whether to be relieved or scared.

At first, they just observed from a distance, hidden by some debris from a recent battle. They watched as one smuggler ship came from the surface, and then went back, and then came up again. 

“Are they out of shuttles?” Finn muttered.

“It would seem so,” Rey said, frowning. “I can’t tell from here, but some of those ships look like they’d been in a recent fight. You don’t think…” She looked closer at the debris they were hiding in. It wasn’t exactly easy to see, but she had a sinking feeling and she could not shake it off. “How many vessels would travel together?” she asked Ben.

He shrugged. “Two or three, sometimes more. Why?”

“Do they have a direct link to the rest of your comms?” she asked Finn.

“I don’t see why they wouldn’t.”

She looked at the debris again. Swallowed. “See that thing floating there? That’s an antimatter coil. Good quality. That next to it is part of an adimantium tank - very expensive. And that.” Her mouth tasted like death. “That is a severed hand.”

A very small severed hand.

She felt the temperature in the Falcon drop several degrees, as they realized what had happened.

“Which faction won, do you think?” Finn asked at length. 

Poe tapped a few keys, running the spec on the debris and the blast patterns. The Falcon wasn’t exactly high-tech. A lot of its tools were rough and utilitarian. The data, however, was serviceable.

“The scatter and position against the rest of the fleet suggests this lot were trying to flee,” Poe said, gesturing at the remains floating around them. “The bastards must have thought they could outrun the others. They might have had a lighter ship.”

Rey nodded, feeling strangely upset by this. 

These were mercenaries and killers, she reminded herself. They were the First Order’s war hounds. But they had tried to escape.

And there had been younglings onboard that ship. Who knows, maybe they were planning on bringing them back to their parents? Maybe they were afraid of the First Order? Maybe they, too, had wanted a change.

Or maybe they would have sold off their cargo to the first slave ship they met and ran off with the money. She didn’t know. All this sympathy for the devil couldn’t be good for her.

“We should probably move in,” Poe said, watching as the shuttle made another departure. “The crew that is on leave will be busy on Kijimi for a while. We’ll have time to do a takeover.”

“Don’t you think it’s worth waiting just a bit longer?” Ben asked.

“No.”

“You don’t think it odd that these guys would destroy a ship full of potential soldiers, just like that?”

“Listen, you ghoul, you can either shut up, or I will shove my foot so far up your arse you will taste your own shit.”

Ben was unmoved. Turning his attention to Rey, he fixed her with his stare. “Snoke ruled through fear. For some of his underlings to still follow, someone just as powerful must have risen to power.”

“Or they are all crazy like you,” Poe muttered. “And fans of the cause.”

“You don’t often see ships turning on each other like that. I’m advising caution, not inaction.”

She looked at Finn, who seemed to be bursting with a nervous energy of his own. She knew the rest of the team was itching to jump into action, and her gut… well… her gut was on the fence. She hadn’t been feeling sure about any of her decisions lately, and this was just one more moment where her hesitation could cost lives. 

“BB-8,” she turned to the droid, “calculate the odds of us winning if any factor is changed from our original predictions.”

The little droid beeped and let out a string of predictions which, while not terrible, she didn’t like.

Poe still pushed the Falcon into gear, though.

“That was the last shuttle,” he said, firmly. “We need to strike quickly.”

“Poe, I don’t like this.”

“Noted. I’m still the one in charge of this mission.” He glared at Ren. “Forgive me if I don’t like to take this bastard at his word.”

***

The four of them made their way onto the first ship - Rey, Finn, Poe, and Chewie. They’d had another fight on approach as to whether to take Ben onboard too, and Rey had, once more, been overruled. 

So there he was - bound by the ineffective ties, babysitting the falcon while C-3PO was at the helm, muttering, “My, oh my, this is stressful.”

Ben flexed his wrists once, rubbing the bits where the bindings had been cutting in. Chewie had cut the second set of bonds before the group had left, growling something about not pushing his luck. Ben hadn’t had a chance to growl anything back at him, and now, standing on the deck of the Falcon, he wished he had. Maybe he could have convinced them to take him along. What if this was a giant trap and Rey was the only one onboard to save them? 

“You don’t think they will have trouble?” C-3PO muttered. “It is supposed to be a fair fight, after all.”

Ben looked at the droid. It was turned fully to him.

“I hope so,” he managed.

“But surely we would be fine.”

“Why are you asking me?”

“Because you are a member of the team.” C-3PO paused. “Honorary and by decree of the General, but a team member still.”

Ben smiled. “Is that so?” His eyes focused on the ship that the others had boarded. He tried to relax his mind, enough to connect to Rey, but he had been so distracted and angry since seeing Han, he hadn’t been able to since. Nor had he wanted her to see the inside of his head. 

Now, though…

Using the Force link felt like using one of his hands after they had been bound for too long. At first he felt panic creeping up his spine, a sign that maybe the Force had left him after all. Then he was met with cool metal - the mental image he had of Rey’s walls - and he breathed a sigh of relief.

Moments later, she dropped enough of her guard to tell him off for distracting her.

_Just tell me if you need back up,_ he begged, then glanced at the droid next to him. 

“How comfortable are you with shooting?”

“Shooting? I don’t think… Commander Dameron said that we would only need to fly the ship—”

“Then fly it we will,” Ben said, and stared at the First Order vessels. 

Every sign pointed to the crew heading to the main planet surface, instead of staying in orbit. It made a strange kind of sense, he supposed. They’d had to kill their comrades, they now had to go and drown their sorrows. So why did all of this feel so wrong?

He tested his connection to the Force, expanding his awareness. Rey he felt the most acutely, but there was other life on those ships. Small life. Fragile life. One wrong move could end them all. He was pretty sure that the vessel the Resistance fighters had boarded contained mostly captives, but the other one…

He frowned, testing more strongly. There was something odd about it. Something…

“—must know that your mother was very disappointed but never stopped loving you.”

Ben blinked. “What?”

“Your comment earlier,” C-3PO said. “It indicated to me that you were surprised your mother had given you such a role in this mission. You did not ask but I could tell from your body language that you found it dubious so I sought out to explain…”

“Now is not a very good time,” he cut the droid off, and tried to regain his focus. What was it about the second ship? 

“You must let me at least try to explain,” the droid pressed on. “When you first deflected, your mother was upset but she did not lose hope. Over the years she attempted to reach you many times, and you always rejected her. She has been used to being very disappointed, and she cannot afford to play favourites right now.”

“I’m not asking her to.” He groused. He closed his eyes, desperately trying to push past the panic he was starting to feel. What was wrong with this situation? Why couldn’t he figure it out? 

The energy signatures. There were many on the second ship, as with the one that Rey had boarded. But they didn’t read as younglings at all. In fact, the ship seemed full exclusively with adults. 

“—all she wanted was to give you a chance to prove you have changed, but you cannot blame her for guarding her heart.”

“For the love of diplomacy!” Ben yelled. “They walked into a trap.”

C-3PO’s response was lost. Ben shut his eyes and threw his awareness towards Rey, shouting at her to get out. Her own voice, surprised and upset, rang through their link.

_What are you doing? You nearly startled me into revealing myself._ She seemed angry, but otherwise unharmed. 

_Expand your awareness. There’s only children left on your ship._ He ran through the Falcon, his feet following short-cuts and directions blindly. _The other one is full of adults. This isn’t right. You have to get out._

_Why would they—_

_Exactly. Tell the others to back out as slowly as possible._

Rey disappeared, but he could already tell she wasn’t going to be successful. She’d been overruled on everything - from decisions on how he was going to be treated to this mission. She needed back up. 

Knowing that the inter-ship comms would carry his voice, he yelled at C-3PO to prepare to bring the Falcon closer to the vessel containing their friends.

“Commander Dameron said—”

“Commander Dameron is not here,” Ben said. Reaching the gunner’s nest, he threw himself in the seat and started waking up the systems. “We need to be ready to offer them cover from there.”

“This is most unusual—”

_They think we should try to rescue the younglings anyway,_ Rey said through the link. _We still have a chance. Ben… there’s so many of them…”_

He bet. At least two shipfuls of them. Being cleaverly used as bait because something had gone wrong.

_Head to the bridge. Don’t go near the holding pens._ They’d probably set the trap to spring as soon as the video feed showed strangers in the hold. Which meant the main control systems were left unguarded. _You’ll fly the ship out of there._

_I don’t think—_

_Please just listen to me, just this once._

By this moment, the firing systems were online, and so were the Falcon’s engines. Ben directed C-3PO to fly the ship around so that the second cruiser could see them. They would either attack immediately or hold fire, hoping to finish the ruse. He’d know how far Rey and the others had gotten depending on the response.

They weren’t immediately obliterated, but the ship clearly had its guns on standby, too. Ben felt the anxiety rising in his chest, the familiar taste of battle filling his mouth. He forced himself to hold steady, to maintain the pretense of non-recognition, to give Rey more time.

The first ship was dead and silent. 

_What’s happening?_

_Damned engines won’t start. Some bastard disabled them completely._

Of course they had. They intended to use the ship as bait. 

Ben took a deep breath and said out loud. “Right. C-3PO, we’re about to fire at that second ship.”

“They would blast us out of the sky!”

“Not if you pilot this as well as you said you would.”

“I— oh, BB-8, that was most unnecessary.”

“Follow the preset instructions and we’ll be fine.” Ben got the last of the cannons online and got the second cruiser in his crosshairs. “I’ve grown up on this rust bucket. I know exactly what it’s capable of.”

With that, he cast his own awareness of the Force forward and ripped the closest cannon off the enemy ship. 

Their response was to turn all their weapons on them, which was exactly what he wanted. With the Falcon’s size, they moved quicker and had better ability to maneuver, and he took every advantage of that. As the droids steered the bigger ship away from their original trap, he turned the cannon onto them, firing at their weapons systems and taking them almost instantly offline.

“I must say, this is horrifying,” C-3PO shouted through the intercom.

“We’re giving your friends time to escape,” Ben shouted. “Stop complaining and get on with it.”

_Please tell me they didn’t destroy the systems completely,_ he told Rey.

_Stupid. Antimatter. Coil._ Came the reply. 

They flew closer to the ship and Ben cast the Force out again, this time getting a good portion of the engine and ripping it clean off. That got them hit… but it was just a clipping. They could still fly.

“Stop panicking.” He yelled at the droids.

Almost at the same moment, the first ship’s engines went online. Rey’s voice shouted happily through the link. _We’re in business._

_Prepare to jump immediately,_ he shouted back. _Set course for the moons, or Pasaana, or anywhere you know is safe. The droids and I will draw them out._

_Not a chance. Weapons systems are back online, too._ And with that, the ship Rey was on released a fury of shots, aimed at the First Order vessel that had tried to destroy them. C-3PO managed to get the Falcon out of the way just in time before the ship started cracking at its seams.

_Their systems are offline,_ Ben said. _Now’s the time. Get ready to jump._

_Damn straight we are._ She paused. _Ben? Were you the one flying or at the nest?_

_I’m not allowed to fly, remember?_

_Chewie was saying he’d never seen such terrible maneuvers._

He sighed. _You can tell him I am out of practice. He can yell at me when we are all safe._

_Ben?_

_Yeah?_

_We didn’t tell anybody where we were going._

He closed his eyes. He knew that this was coming.

_You can interrogate me all you want when we’re safe again, too._

_No. I know it wasn’t you._ Rey’s voice sounded miserable. _You had opportunity to send a message, even through your mind. Someone else betrayed us. The spy is on our ship._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading and for your patience.
> 
> I promise - I am hearing all your comments. I try to keep my chapters edited as I go along but I will have to go back at one point and fix things. Fingers crossed, I'll get better as I go along.
> 
> Back to the real world tomorrow, I guess. *sigh*


	10. You may call me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Star Wars.
> 
> Just a short one today, everyone, because... well... it's a school night.

It had taken several jumps before the Falcon had aligned with the - now stolen - First Order ship, and the transfer of prisoners began. 

The younglings were half-starved, dirty, and exhausted. Some of them had been living in cramped quarters for nearly a standard month. Others were nearly starved. A third group needed medical attention. Ben had expected them to put him in the hold, but instead he found himself treating minor wounds, administering medicines, and doing water runs… all the while fielding angry questions from Poe, Finn, and Chewbacca. 

“Who did you tell?” Finn asked.

“No-one.”

“Okay, who tapped into your head?”

“No-one did.”

“You must have told someone. None of us ever went near the comms systems.”

“I didn’t either.”

Obviously no-one believed him. He was, after all, the one who heard voices. 

He was also the one who had stopped them from being trapped on a ship and blasted out of the sky, so he shrugged off the distrust and went back to the task at hand.

Rey was the only one whose opinion mattered now, and Rey had been in the engine room since they’d come to a standstill, trying to ascertain how far it could take them. At some point, she would have to emerge and join the rest of them, but so far, his attempts to tap into her thoughts had been met with a grumpy, _Fuck off._

Fine. The younglings were a handful, anyway.

In reality, the younglings were probably the better part of this whole ordeal. They didn’t care who he was or what he had done. They cared that he was tending to them, and that he knew how to operate the ship’s food production machines. If he figured out how to synthesise dessert, he’d be everyone’s favorite person.

It was a strange feeling. To meet creatures that gave their affections so simply. 

Well… they’d learn to hate him. As soon as Finn and Poe got to tell them what he had done.

***

Rey stomped out of the engine room, grumbling and wiping her brow. “The engine is barely holding it together,” she announced to Finn, who had been sitting nearby with a bottle of water and a cloth, ready to be of any assistance. She took the offerings and sighed. “We might be able to make it to base, but we’ll be at a disadvantage if we have to run again.”

“We could trade it. Swap it for something better.”

“The nearest planet where we can safely do so is in the next system,” Rey said. “And we don’t have enough fuel for a proper space jump. We’d be in transit for weeks.”

That was the problem. Space jumps were a great way to get from point A to point B quickly, but they sapped the fuel tank like nothing else. And she was worried that with the damage this ship had already taken, it wouldn’t cope with the jump all too well.

She followed Finn to the main area and marveled at the sight.

The prisoners were free. They looked alive and… well... not entirely happy, but they were moving. Talking among themselves. Some of the smallest ones were even playing in the corners, a damn near miracle considering how they’d found them. Their eyes were still weary as they followed her around, but she would take it over seeing them huddled like rats in a cage.

Now to bring them back to their parents. 

Not a big ask, that.

“Have you managed to speak to some of them?” she asked Finn.

The former Stormtrooper shook his head. “None of them speak my language. Poe seems to be getting on better with them.”

Rey nodded, finding the pilot huddled in a corner. He was talking to some older boys, but his eyes kept wandering towards the corner. Following his gaze, she noticed a tall form working away at one of the machines. 

“What’s Ben up to?” she asked.

“Nothing bad, yet,” Finn replied, a flash of annoyance crossing his face. “I think Poe and Chewie are taking turns guarding the bastard.”

_They ought to be keeping an eye on the sensors,_ the bastard in question said in her mind. _Although, if you do want to bind me again, can you wait until I finish fixing this?_

_Careful. Someone might think you enjoy being tied up._

Even from afar, she saw the corner of his mouth lift. Heat pooled in her cheeks, and then in her stomach. An almost indecent sense of enjoyment washed over her.

No. Those weren’t here feelings - they had to be his. She was so deep inside the connection that she couldn’t tell where she ended anymore. Almost on cue, she was treated to a mental image of Ben, sweaty and exhausted, grinning like the Devil himself, as she straddled his naked lap and reached out to finally undo his restraints…

Rey’s ears started to burn.

_Interesting,_ Ben thought at her, not even looking up from his task. _Maybe not for the first time, though if you want to work up to it…_

_Get. Out. Of my head!_

_That wasn’t my fantasy, Scavenger. I’m surprised that this is where your mind went first..._

_Go fuck yourself._

_If it pleases you._

“Rey?” Finn asked, tapping her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“I… Maz,” she said, quickly.

“Maz?”

Rey scrambled for a coherent thought. “Maz… where did she go after that Union Dispute of hers? Is she still on the run? Could she help us get rid of this ship?”

“She wasn’t exactly helpful the last time…” Finn grumbled. 

But it was a plan and, more importantly, it gave her something to do while she composed herself. Ben, mercifully, didn’t comment further on the directions of her subconscious; although she could swear, even as they tried to get a hold of Maz, that she could hear a husky chuckle at the edge of her thoughts. 

What was wrong with her?

***

“Help you get rid of a ship? Of course I can,” Maz exclaimed, once they did manage to finally establish a secure link to her. “I don’t know much about getting younglings back to their parents, though. We’ll need to mobilize a proper search party and that could take years.”

Finn sighed. He guessed it was going to be something unpleasant like that, but hearing it hurt nonetheless.

“I can offer them safe harbor for a while,” she went on. “I can also offer to send word to the Resistance to start the process. I’ve got to say, though, they’d probably be safest—”

The connection started to cut off.

Finn glanced at Rey, who started fiddling with the controls, trying to bring the connection back up. But no. The image of the alien who had helped them, who had saved them many times over, just kept slipping away from them. Poe lost his patience eventually and just slapped the console…

…which turned out to be the wrong move, and seemed to set off some kind of pre-recorded sequence that played across every screen in the ship.

“Greetings…” a low, raspy voice echoed through the room. The children quieted down and huddled together immediately, looking terrified “…and welcome, to the Last Order.”

Finn, Rey, and Poe exchanged glances. From across the room, Kylo Ren seemed equally confused.

“It’s no-one I know,” Finn said.

The voice went on to describe how the First Order was just a stepping stone. How the Resistance would soon be quashed. How the Jedi Order was soon to disappear into the sands of time. But it wasn’t until the end that Rey seemed to recognize something. Something that made her pale and drop the wrench she had been holding.

“That voice. I’ve heard it before.” She looked like she might be sick.

“…and as for my name,” the message ended. “You may call me, Emperor.”

***

Where Rey had heard the voice, she did not know. Or, at least, she did not say. 

“It’ll come back to you,” Poe said, as the two of them navigated the bigger of the two ships towards the coordinates given by Maz. Chewbacca, BB-8, R2-D2, and the prisoner had returned to the Falcon, along with about a quarter of their new passengers, so as to ensure the two vessels traveled at the same pace. Somewhere in the main area, he could hear C-3PO talking to the various children in their native dialects, leaving him to comfort his co-pilot.

Rey did not seem at all comforted.

“Hey—” Poe said. “It’s okay, okay? I know that your past bothers you sometimes, but it’s not the end of the world if you can’t remember.”

“I just…” Rey shook her head “I know that it’s there somewhere. And the fact that it slips away from me is so frustrating.”

“Maybe Luke could help? With his… you know, Jedi powers.”

That made her even more upset. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

Poe sighed and checked the sensors, scanning for any tail. In truth, he was disconcerted too, but he wasn’t about to let that become a problem. 

Sometimes you just had to tough it out. And sometimes you just had to be the bad guy to help others.

“Listen,” he started, “I know that you and I haven’t been on the same page this whole mission. But I wanted you to know, I… I don’t like this situation any more than you do.”

Rey’s jaw clenched. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

“I feel like I have to, though,” Poe said. “You don’t like how I treat the prisoner. You see something in him that is redeemable - same as Leia. I get that, and I admit I can be a hot-headed bastard sometimes. But see it from my perspective. Why would he change? What could he have to gain from helping us?”

No comment. Rey’s eyes were fixed at a point somewhere beyond the horizon.

Poe went on.

“The galling thing is, he was right. Before we escaped to Crete, I did more damage than good. But everything I did was to help the Resistance. You believe that, right?”

“Of course,” Rey murmured, distracted. “You could not have known what the high command was doing.”

“Exactly. So what can I do, if I don’t have all the information? I infer.” Poe was tempted to lean in, but he could tell that getting in Rey’s personal space would be a bad idea in this moment. “I won’t push you, if you don’t want to tell me. But I want to understand, Rey. I need you to help me understand.”

For a long time, she sat there, silent. In fact, she was silent for so long, Poe was afraid he’d put her off completely.

Then, as if talking from far away, she said:

“When I lived on Jakku, I hoped that one day I would see my parents. I believed them when they said that they would come back for me.” She drummed her fingers against the console in front of her. “But the days went on and on. And I had to find ways to stay alive. Sometimes, that was all I could do.” She looked at him then, and though her expression was closed off, her eyes were a storm of emotion. “I’ve done things to survive that I’m not proud of, Poe. Things that are not… easy to accept, or to reconcile with the person I am today.” She rubbed her neck instinctively, as if to loosen some kind of knot there. “And I know what it’s like to lose hope. I know what it’s like to hate myself so much I don’t want to go on.”

“He’s killed a lot of people, Rey. It’s not the same.”

“Isn’t it? How many people do you think I’ve hurt?”

Poe studied her carefully.

“A lot fewer than him, I’ll tell you that right now. No, hear me out—” he held up a hand “—he may not have been the one to activate Starkiller base, but he protected it. He was part of the order that destroyed multiple planets. He slaughtered so many others himself. Whatever you have done, whatever you were forced to do, you did it because you had no other choice. It’s not the same thing.”

Rey looked away. “You said you wanted to understand. I’m trying to tell you - even if it makes no logical sense.”

Poe deliberated and finally reached out, patting her shoulder. “I get it, kid. You may not believe me, but I get it.” He paused to adjust their course a little bit, and consider his next words, “Have you… talked to anybody? About this?”

“I don’t think people wanted to talk to me about Ben,” she said, dryly.

“No, I mean… your life on Jakku. Have you told Leia about it? Finn?” The bastard? The droids?

Rey shook her head no. “I can’t bring myself to. It’s just… a little too much for a casual friend.”

“I’d say it’s worth telling him. Even a little bit might be a huge load off.” Poe looked toward the horizon. “It could be holding you back, your past. Maybe you need to be honest with someone so that you can finally let go of it.”

“You’re not the first one to tell me that,” Rey said.

“Yeah?” Poe preened a little. “Well… whomever they were, they are very wise.”


	11. Bait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Star Wars. I barley own the computer I'm using to write this.
> 
> Content warning: The following chapter contains themes of emotional abuse, neglect, and grooming. (Then again, so does all of the Star Wars sequels trilogy.) Reader discretion advised - stay safe y'all.

Maz’s current base was on an asteroid not too far from their current position. From their approach, it looked like a major downgrade form where they had seen her last. But then they went past the sensors… or maybe Maz decided it was enough teasing - and the surface of the asteroid seemed to peel back, revealing a biodome and a lush forest just underneath its surface. 

Next to him, Finn could hear Rey inhale sharply.

They’d switched crews earlier - Chewie dragging the prisoner onto the big ship with Poe, while Rey and Finn sat at the helm of the Falcon. If the residents of this place were anything like those at Takodana, they knew that the former First Order knight would not receive a warm welcome. Not that Finn cared much. But Rey seemed to, and so, by extension, so did he.

He really had to get a grip.

“Do you think Leia and Maz will be able to help?” Rey asked as she glanced behind her. The younglings were playing peacefully in the Falcon, making the most of their last moments of cruising before they entered the atmosphere. “I mean, I know there are limits but…” 

“If anybody can it, it will be Leia,” Finn said, feeling more optimistic than he had been since they left for this mission. 

Rey nodded. She looked on the verge of saying something else, but then Maz’s voice rang through the speakers, hailing them and giving directions to where they could land. 

Finn watched as she started the descent sequence and forced himself to keep quiet. She’d talk to him when she was ready. He knew she would. The same way he could sense the changes in everyone’s moods; the same way he could predict with a near certainty when mischief would happen; the same way he was painfully in tune with Rey’s changing sentiments toward the prisoner. He wanted to bring it up - he wanted to bring everything up - but a lifetime of trying to stay unnoticed made him hesitate still. What if she didn’t want to confront what was happening around her? What if she decided to cut him off?

The idea of losing her good opinion was terrifying.

He had something far more urgent to deal with, anyway.

“Rey,” he said, as the Falcon’s intercom ordered all passengers to prepare for landing, “when we have a moment… there’s something that I need to tell you.”

She frowned at him. “What is it?”

“Not right now.” He glanced behind him. The droids were nowhere in sight, but he wasn’t taking any chances. “It’s private, okay. And I… I might need some time to work up the guts.”

That did not erase her frown. If anything, she looked even more concerned.

“Listen,” he said. “It’s not bad. I just… I need your advice, and I don’t want to do it while we’re hurtling toward the ground.”

“We’re not hurtling. I can land this with my eyes closed.” Much to his relief, she didn’t attempt to illustrate her point, but turned her attention to the controls. “Can you at least hint at it?”

“Sorry. I ah— I might need a moment before I’m able to do that.”

She pursed her lips. “Well… I have something to talk to you about, too. For what it’s worth… you probably won’t like it either.”

No, he probably wouldn’t. But he would deal with it when the time came, and not a moment sooner.

“Let’s land this, then,” he said. “Eyes wide open, everyone. Maz will want our full attention.”

***

Rey blinked at the artificial sunlight, baffled at how such a place could exist in an environment so… well… hostile.

The biodome was tucked in a valley in the asteroid, blending into the natural landscape of the area so seamlessly, it would be hidden from everybody so long as the cloaking worked. The landing dockets were built into the rocks, too, connected to the gardens and buildings by artificial tunnels and trains. She caught glimpses of space between the cracks of rock, as the car hurtled away, and her very breath caught at the sight. 

The stars were so big. So bright. 

And she was about to make a pig’s ear of her friendships. 

The twin realizations made the whole trip feel all the more painful. Never again would she share a moment like this with her friends. Never again would they be completely at ease with each other. Every time they traveled, the galaxy revealed itself to be more beautiful and befuddling than the last… and this was the last time they could appreciate it together.

For a moment, she was so overwhelmed, she checked her mental shields were up, expecting Ben to chime in with some snark, chastising her for essentially being a big mush. But no - he was with another group, probably distracted by his own thoughts, and had no time to accuse her of being melodramatic.

_Was_ she melodramatic?

Part of her clung onto what Poe had told her. 

Another part - a much bigger, meaner one - looked around and knew that there were limits to what her friends would forgive. She knew, as well as anybody, how deeply old woulds lay; how they could fester over time if left untreated. The more she hoped for a better resolution, the more she was setting herself up to failure.

_Yes. Why bother talking to them at all? They would just judge me?_

She shook her head, trying to focus despite the horrible sensations filling her. This was not the time. They were pulling in the terminal inside the biodome, and there was Maz, grinning widely, coming to greet them.

“You’re here!” she said, taking Rey’s hands in her own. “I knew that I would see you again, child.”

Rey forced a smile or her own, then stepped aside to let Finn greet their hostess. The younglings filed out one after the other, following, C-3PO’s instructions as well as they could. A few glanced at Maz with suspicion, but were placated at her assurances that there was food and beds waiting for them. The older alien watched silently as they disappeared from sight, then let out a low whistle. “So many, and so young. The First Order must be getting desperate.”

“You should see the next load,” Finn muttered.

“I know. I received Poe’s message. All of his messages, in fact.” Maz lifted her goggles to the top of her head and rubbed her eyes. “And you brought a prisoner with you.”

Rey winced, waiting for the accusation. There had been no secret in the Resistance who Ben’s most fervent advocate was.

Maz, however, just said: “I have prepared the others as best as I can. They promised not to kill him so long as he keeps to his cell.”

Before Rey could properly process what had been said, a group of armed guards appeared, trying and failing to look casual. As the next shuttle arrived, she tensed, preparing for a confrontation, even though Maz seemed nothing short of delighted when she went up to greet Poe and Chewie. 

The younglings looked out of the door, weary. 

“Come on, then,” Finn said in the common language, gesturing at them to come out. “We’re with friends now.”

The children did not reply, their eyes looking between Maz’s cheerful demeanor and the firearms that her welcoming party had on display. 

“Maybe we should call C-3PO…” Finn started, sounding apologetic, before Ben appeared from inside the shuttle. 

Rey noticed the guards’ hands tightening on their guns. The former Knight of Ren, however, just raised an eyebrow. He said something to the children, then held up his hands in front of him.

“Come on,” he said, looking at Poe. “Let’s get this over with.”

“You’re not funny,” the pilot muttered as he rummaged his pockets for a zip tie.

“I wasn’t trying to be.” Ben looked back and gave the younglings a short, self-depreciating shrug. “I told you I was scary. Off you go now - dinner is served.”

That seemed to do the trick - the platform shook under the steps of dozens tiny feet, as the younglings barreled past the adults and headed in the direction of the kitchens. Chewie had to pick up Maz and hold her away from the floor, while the woman laughed like a child herself.

“Well,” she said, once the last of the little ones had disappeared. “I suppose that was a pleasant surprise. You can behave yourself when you want to, young Solo.”

Ben pursed his lips. “I take it I’m back to being restrained all the time again?”

“Just during transfers,” Poe said, shoving him forward. “Don’t make us regret it.”

Maz laughed again. Then she looked at Rey, and her smile vanished. “And what are you planning to do with that, young lady?” 

Rey looked down, startled. She was gripping her battle staff as if she were about to launch an attack. Yeah… definitely not a good first impression. “Sorry,” she apologized. “Force of habit.”

***

Maz’s men really did intend to keep him under lock and key. Unfortunately, any base was going to struggle when faced with a sudden influx of residents. And the children were hungry all the time.

It only took one mealtime before Ben was dragged out the cells, put into leg restraints, and put to kitchen duty, doing whatever grunt work that didn’t involve sharp objects. The guards went from grabbing weapons at every loud noise to ignoring him in record time.

Poe didn’t know whether to be impressed or worried.

“So,” he said, wrapping up his report to Leia through the secret comms, “the rescue went off as well as could be expected and the prisoner is mostly behaving himself.”

“What measures have you taken to hide the ship?” the general said. Her mouth had tightened - as it did a lot lately - at the mention of Kylo Ren. Poe wondered if she was talking to _anybody_ about how she felt. It was almost like she was trying to avoid the topic altogether.

Fine. It wasn’t like it was his son. “All the comms were disabled and we made sure to only travel at regular speed to avoid detection. It didn’t look like the First Order had outfitted it with any tracking beyond the standard stuff.” Poe considered for a moment, then added. “BB-8 and R2D2 ran through the systems twice. They didn’t find anything either. It looks like we got away this time.”

“Barely,” Leia said.

“Any news of… the other project?” he caught himself just in time.

“None yet.” The General seemed perturbed. “And with all these new passengers with you, I can’t well ask you to go back to acting as bait.”

“Maz said she could take them.”

“Maz only has so many resources and we can’t just send a ship to her without alerting the First Order. They’re bad enough as it is—” she paused, shook her head. “Stay put for now. I’ll be in touch shortly.”

“Do you want to talk to anybody else?” Poe asked. “I can get Rey, or Finn…” _or your useless son_

“Let them rest,” Leia said. “I… I will call back. Soon.”

_Yeah,_ Poe thought, as the connection cut off. _I bet you will._

***

Food, beds, warm baths… it was as though the younglings were a changed bunch overnight. Rey was almost afraid of nightfall - terrified that she would come down the next morning and find them all gone; or worse, reverted to their previous states. 

For a while, she just walked around the base, lending a hand where she could: fixing small things, carrying larger ones, generally trying to make friends. She even caught glimpses of Ben now and again, although she was careful to keep her mental shields up and her expression neutral. She was tightly wound enough already - she didn’t need him getting under her skin, too.

Finn, too, seemed to appear everywhere she went. He never approached her when she had her hands full - so she made sure she always had something to do.

Still…

She couldn’t avoid him forever.

After dinner, when the plates were cleared and the younglings were ushered into the dorms, there were only so many tiny chores she could do before the futility of it all caught up with her. 

Yet, when Finn came up and asked her to go for a walk, she still looked around, trying to find some escape. 

She only saw Ben, up to his elbows in soap suds in the kitchens, scrubbing a pan as if his life depended on it. 

“That is, unless you’re busy,” Finn added, following her gaze.

“No, I—” Rey swallowed. “I can do with a walk. Thank you.”

As if smelling her distress, Ben looked over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow at them. Rey shook her head, barely. _Out of my head,_ she warned. _I need to do this myself._

_Wouldn’t dream of it, Scavenger,_ came the reply. 

Was it her? Or was it actually his worry that she felt through the bond?

Either way, there was precious little time to ponder the situation. She was following Finn outside, into the biodome gardens, away from the bustle and noise and into the future.

***

Finn, for his part, nearly gave up on the endeavor altogether.

He thought he had worked up the courage, but now, when the time came, all he could think was how ridiculous this whole situation was. _She’ll laugh at me,_ he berated himself. _She’s the Chosen One, and I’m just a former Stormtrooper with delusions of grandeur. She’ll think I’m making this up._

But it wasn’t like Rey was making the first disclosure. In fact, she seemed even more uncomfortable than he was.

He had to go first. He had to make the leap.

“So—” he said, sitting down on a log, “—I wasn’t sure whether this was the sort of thing you can help me with… I mean, I don’t know much anyway, there may be a manual or something but I haven’t found it yet.”

Rey frowned. “You want me to fix a machine for you?”

“No. Well… I guess…” Finn scrubbed his hand over his face. “I’m messing this up. Sorry. Rewind.”

She sat on the ground opposite him. “Take your time.”

Finn laughed. “If I did we’d be here until we’re ancient. Fact of it is—” he hesitated, then said “—when I was still with the First Order, I had these feelings. Nothing big, just, it felt like I had an alarm system, warning me when someone meant to do me harm, or when it was a bad time to cross Captain Phasma. I didn’t think much of it… hell, I didn’t think much of anything. I guessed it must have been an after-effect of the programming. But the feeling persisted - even after the fight on Jakku, and I busted Poe out. It was still there.”

Rey’s eyes widened. “You… you’re Force sensitive.”

Finn blushed. “I didn’t know what to call it. I certainly can’t move objects or rip spaceships out of the sky.” Involuntarily, he glanced at the buildings. “I certainly can’t read your mind.”

“But you are sensing the Force,” Rey said. “Which means you can be taught to use it.”

“I gue—”

“Finn, that’s wonderful!”

“I didn’t know… wait, you’re happy?” Before he could say more, Rey enveloped him in a hug and squeezed until he begged her for mercy. “Please, I need those ribs!”

“I’m sorry.” She pulled away, grinning from ear to ear. “I’m just so happy… Master Luke will be thrilled to learn. Oh, Finn, why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

He didn’t think it possible, but he felt his blush deepen. “I just… I didn’t know. I mean, I’m not coming from any fancy line of Jedi or anything. I didn’t know if it was special or not.”

“Of course it’s special,” Rey said, firmly. “And I don’t come from a fancy line either. Your blood doesn’t make you powerful, Finn. You can be touched by the Force regardless of who you are.”

He shook his head. “You don’t know your parentage, Rey. I know mine - they were growers from a planet near the Rim. I— I never imagined myself as being anything special.”

“My parents were junk traders who sold me for a song,” Rey said, her voice suddenly distant. When he looked up, he saw the tears shining in her eyes before she blinked them away. “I hoped for more… pretended to myself they weren’t lying in some unmarked grave on Jakku… but I get nothing from that lie. The Force brought us here so that we could restore the balance, Finn, not because of… of… some accident of birth.”

Relief - so profound and powerful - washed through him. “You have no idea what a load off that is,” he said. “I was afraid you’d hate me.”

“Hate you?” she echoed. “Why on Earth would I?”

“Just… I… kept things to myself for so long. I could have helped if I only learned sooner, but I was scared... I— well, it doesn’t matter anymore, I guess. Let’s just hope Luke can accept another student.”

“He’ll be glad for a break from me, that’s for sure.” She sat back down and leaned against his log. “And for the record, I would never be mad at you for something like that.”

He opened her mouth so say something, when a noise from the bushes made them both jump. She pointed her staff at the growth while he fumbled for his blaster, awkward and uneasy.

They needn’t have. A young girl - barely tall enough to reach his thigh - appeared from the bushes and regarded them with weary eyes. Rey and Finn groaned and lowered their weapons.

“You scared us, little one,” Rey said, tucking her staff away and kneeling in front of the child. “What happened? Could you not sleep?”

The girl, at least, wasn’t afraid. In fact, she seemed most concerned with wanting to go back indoors. Finn scanned the bushes anyway, just to make sure she hadn’t been lured out, while Rey carried her back indoors, stroking her dark curls soothingly. 

Poe ran out to meet them before they called out and woke the whole dorm. Finn couldn’t help but notice the dark circles under his eyes, the worry lines around his mouth that seemed just this bit deeper.

“I saw that a bed was empty,” he said by way of explanation, taking the girl from Rey and transferring her on his shoulder. “Scared the life out of me.”

The little girl murmured something. Poe’s eyes darkened further and he patted her back. “I’m sure you’ll find her.” He glanced at Finn. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” he said, hoping to convey just how happy he was without shouting it from the rooftops. He glanced at the sleeping child in Poe’s arms. “Er… what is she asking for? If she lost a toy, we can go look for it.”

“She’s asking about a pretty friend from home,” Poe said. “Something about losing her in the crowd. But I don’t think she’s with the ones here.” The child was starting to drop off. “I’ll bring her to Maz, if you guys don’t mind.”

“Sure,” Finn said.

He started to follow Poe inside, when he sensed unease rolling off Rey. He turned to find her rooted in her spot, face set and stony. “Um… Rey?” he asked, wondering what had brought on that change of mood. “Did you sense a danger?”

“No.” 

“So what… do you know about this girl’s friend?” He frowned. “Was she on the other ship by any chance?”

“No.” Rey shook her head. “No, she wouldn’t have been.” 

Something about her expression made him worry. “Rey,” he started. “Whatever it is—”

She was silent for a long time, and he didn’t press her, hoping that she would speak when she was ready. Eventually, her lips started to move. Her voice seemed to come from far away. “On Jakku,” she said, “the Snatchers sometimes grabbed children from their parents. But that was risky. They weren’t willing to fight one adult, let alone more, if the whole homestead ran to help.”

“Yeah, I remember my parents weren’t exactly letting me go…”

“Then you know the workaround they used.”

Finn started to say yes, then froze. No. He had no idea. Because he hadn’t spent any meaningful amount of time with the Snatchers. He’d been taken by the First Order almost immediately and put through programming. He hadn’t hung around to learn their secrets of the trade. 

A thought rose up from the recess of his mind and he trampled it quickly. “Do you?” he asked Rey. “Know their workaround?”

She nodded. “They used other children to lure them out.”

That made a strange kind of sense. He supposed children would trust other children, and the adults wouldn’t be as vigilant. But that left the question…

“Is that…” he swallowed. “Is that how they lured you?”

“No,” Rey said. “They didn’t lure me at all. I… I was their bait.”

***

She hadn’t meant for the story to come out quite like this. She wanted to give him context, explain what life had been after her parents had disappeared. She wanted him to understand. Needed him to understand.

Instead, she blabbed like a fool.

“They didn’t tell me who they were at first. I just assumed they looked after me, and others like me, because they cared. I didn’t think anything of it when they told me I could bring friends over. When they disappeared, I just thought… I just thought their parents had left for another settlement without saying goodbye.” The words tumbled one after another, burying her in over-explanations. She didn’t know, then she didn’t understand, and then she was scared… scared of what the Snatchers would do to her, scared of what she would do without the Snatchers, scared, scared, scared.

Finn regarded her with open shock. And then, his mouth twisted in anger.

“So you helped them steal children?” he asked, gesturing toward the dorms. “You helped them… you helped them do this?” 

“I didn’t know.” Even to her ears she sounded desperate. “I… I was just a child. I was afraid I would die if…”

“If what? You didn’t sell your friends?”

“I didn’t know— they told me my friends had moved on to a better home.”

“A better home?” he nearly shouted. “You think the First Order was a better home?” He turned away, suddenly overcome with emotion. 

Rey shook on the spot. She wanted to turn him around, yell at him. She wanted to make him understand.

_Let it unfold,_ a nasty voice whispered in her ear. _This was how it was always going to happen. This is what your actions have wrought._

She felt like she might be sick when Finn finally turned to her. His disgust was plain for all to see. “When did you know?” he asked.

“The other adults… they realized what was happening,” Rey said. “Eventually, they chased me from the settlement and into the desert. I tried to get the last group of children free, but I got caught and…” she swallowed the rest of the sentence, refusing to seek sympathy. She would face this as she had faced everything else - head high, accepting the consequences of her actions. “The Snatchers that had me argued whether I was worth selling at all. They ended up leaving me in that old broken ship to die. For a while, that was what I wanted too. And then—”

“And then you carried on with your life.” Finn looked like he might start crying at any point now. “Hell, Rey! How could you?”

“I didn’t—”

“Did you think they were looking for children just out of the goodness of their hearts?” he yelled, then stopped. A cold sort of fury seemed to fill him. “Is that why you jumped on this mission? Some fucked up kind of atonement?”

He’d been just as invested as her. But Rey didn’t say that. Instead, she just shook her head no. “The mission was secret to me as well, Finn. I didn’t even know what coordinates Ben gave us—”

“Well at least that explains why you’re so quick to defend _Ben_ , doesn’t it? You two are the same.”

Her breath caught. 

It was the truth, and yet, somehow, it sounded like a perversion, too. 

_It is the truth. It was always the truth,_ the nasty voice said. _You are just as bad as the young Solo… if not worse._

“I’m sorry, Finn. You have no idea how sorry I was—”

“Not sorry enough to not sell your friends off.” He clenched his fists, then suddenly turned on his heel and headed outside. She tried to follow, only for Finn to hold out his hand and manifest a wall so powerful, it sent Rey toppling down on her back. “Don’t follow me,” he snapped. “I… I can’t even look at you right now.”

Rey opened her mouth, but no sound came. It was as though her whole being had been reduced to a speck of dust.

Finn walked out and into the darkened gardens again, the sound of his footsteps crashing through the night.

Rey lay there for what felt like an eternity. Then, shaking, she pushed herself up and walked - up the stairs, past the quarters of the guards, all the way to the back where her allocated room was situated. It took her three goes to get the key to work, four more to lock it behind her. By the time she sat on the bed, she was lost in the Maelstrom of emotion. All the while, the poisonous whispers echoed in her head.

_…told you so told you so told you so. They’ll never accept you, never love you. They know you’re wrong. They know you’re impure. Scavenger scavenger scavenger, you’re no better than the rest. You’re no better…_

Rey whimpered and covered her ears. It did absolutely nothing to stop the flow of misery.

She’d told him. She’d told him, and he had hated her. Just like they said he would.

It didn’t matter that she was a child, that she was scared and alone. All that mattered was that she was wrong wrong wrong.

The hairs on the back of her neck stood, and she fought to keep her mental shields up. But it was pointless. Her control was shattered. 

First came a gentle tug on the force bond. Then, the sensation of a presence alongside her walls. Finally, the bed dipped under a familiar weight, and she felt a strong, solid back pressed against her own. Ben’s voice, low and sardonic, was simultaneously the scariest and the most soothing thing she’d heard in her life.

“Ah. I see the old man has moved onto new prey,” he said, his words seeming to draw the poison away from her. “And here I was, thinking I was special.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading and for bearing with me as I write. I appreciate every one of you taking the time to read this beast.


	12. Devils and Sympathy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Star Wars.
> 
> Same content warnings as last chapter I'm afraid.
> 
> With regard to current events, I have listed a few links and organisations at the end of this chapter. I know this doesn't get much readership but if my work gives you pleasure, please donate. Sign petitions. Call your elected representatives, if you are in the USA. I'm not, but I want to use whatever platform I have to help.
> 
> Please. Thank you.

Were he still Kylo Ren, he would have left her feelings to swallow her whole.

He knew that place. The whole “if-I’m-so-bad-then-I-might-as-well-be-baddest” thing. It was so easy to fall down the rabbit hole, and, if the goal was still to turn her to the Dark Side, he would have left her there. Tempting her over the edge would have been easy.

Instead, he’d reached out, instinctively responding to her agony; to care and soothe even though he was the least comforting creature on this entire asteroid. 

The voice that had been torturing her retreated as she let him draw her deeper into their bond. The silence - that special bit of peace that he experienced when he shared his mind with her - was now hers as well. He would figure out who it was later. Right now, he had more pressing issues to solve.

Shifting, Ben took her in as best as he could. Her body seemed to have closed in on itself, her every muscle tense with pressure. He could taste the misery.

“What happened?” he asked.

Rey’s voice was hoarse from crying. “Didn’t you hear?”

“You asked me to stay out of your head.”

She snorted. As if the notion of his respecting her wishes was a curiosity. “I told Finn about my past. He hates me now.”

It was nearly on the tip of his tongue to say that was no great loss, but he stopped himself on time. “That doesn’t sound like him, exactly.”

“You weren’t there. You— oh, it doesn’t matter.” She curled in on herself tighter. “Just leave me alone.”

“And let you have that delightful voice all to yourself? I think not.” He hesitated, torn between wanting to give her space and holding her like his life depended on it. “At least let me sit with you.”

Rey didn’t seem to hear him, but at least she didn’t tell him to go to Hell. Carefully, he shifted so that he wasn’t invading her personal space, and waited for her to gather hear bearings.

“Why do you even bother?” she sniffed, finally, turning her head only so that she could see him. “You think I’ll steal your Master’s affections?”

“You do have ‘Teacher’s Pet’ written all over you.”

She snorted, but was not convinced at all. In fact, she barely seemed to tolerate his attempts at humor. And why should she? Since the first moment they’d met, she had been showing him her true feelings - hatred, anger, affection, and everything in between. She may not have trusted him, but she was honest about that mistrust. And what had he done? Obfuscated with humor, crass comments, and First Order party lines. 

The idea of exposing his own feelings to her made him want to throw up.

But if he didn’t, she would probably expel him from her mind… opening herself to the voice that had driven him to the Dark Side, to do as it pleased. He couldn’t let that happen. He would never let that happen.

“I bother, because it bothers you,” he said. “And I happen to know what guilt is a terrible motivator.”

Rey’s eyes shone again. Her whole face was red from crying. “You don’t know about my guilt.”

Holding out his bare hand, he said, “Show me, then.”

***

At first, all he knew was the hunger. Thirst, too, although - as every resident of Jakku - she’d had a humidifier. Food was trickier, and short all around. Even the people who liked her rarely had any to spare. 

He felt the scorching sun and the weakness setting in. The constant fear and pain as day flowed into night and she sought a place to rest. He shuddered as her memories became his; as the old, familiar doubts gnawed at his bones. She was alone. She would always be alone, and he was lost in that world with her, that world of hunger and thirst and heart-stopping loneliness.

And then, a kindly stranger. Then another. And another. Strangers with food. Strangers with shelter. Strangers who were not taking advantage of her or sending her off on her way without so much as a kind word. They gave her support without question. They said they would keep an eye out for her parents.

They sent her off to her village, telling her she was welcome to come back.

Of course she’d told the other children. Food was short all around. There was a place that she knew of where they could eat, no questions asked.

She thought she was doing a good thing. 

Then, they started disappearing.

One after another, she went around the village, but the children were gone; their parents, too, seemed to have disappeared into the desert.

Had they left without saying goodbye, too?

Ben wanted to cry. He could see what her younger self didn’t yet, and he hated what he was about to witness.

The Snatchers had suggested she go to other villages with them. Look for her friends there. And if she made any new friends, to bring them over, for food was plentiful and good. She’d gone along - after all, they were adults. But she had also grown weary, and that was when the threats began.

Did she not care for them?

Did she not want them to find her parents?

Did she not want to see her friends again?

Over and over they sent her to villages, knowing that she would return with more. Knowing that there was something compelling about her that she did not control, but they could. 

And she had gone. Scared, lonely, but she’d gone. 

It hadn’t been the adults who had clued her in - she’d seen her new friends pushing an unfamiliar youngling in a cage one day, after deciding to hide her approach and surprise them in her homestead. She’d watched, horrified, as a whole bunch of cages sat under the Jakku sun, with barely a tarp to hide the inhabitants from the sun at its most merciless. 

She’d ran to the village hoping to get help, and the villagers had driven her off - their lifeblood having been split, the last of the children having vanished before three moons.

He saw her return to the Snatchers, now armed with knowledge and little else. Saw as she tried to save the other children. Saw as they caught her and beat her until she was crumpled in the sand. He listened with the ears of an adult as they discussed what to do and whether she would fetch a decent price. He listened and wanted to tear them apart, because they decided the cost of patching her up for space travel was higher than anything she would fetch on the market. 

He wanted to go after them, but he stayed with her, as the sand drank her wounds dry, and the cold night of Jakku sapped feeling from her body. Rey, the child, seemed to disappear into herself.

Rey, the woman, opened her eyes and let go of his hand.

***

Ben let out a long breath. “If that is what Finn is judging you for,” he said, “then he is a bigger hypocrite than I pegged him.”

Rey swiped at her cheeks, mouth twisting in misery. “What I did was unforgivable. He’s right to hate me.”

“You were a child.”

“So were the others.”

That wasn’t the whole story.

He could sense more, just over the limits of what she’d let him see. Younglings on Jakku were vulnerable anyway, but she hadn’t even had a token caretaker. Being used as bait by Snatchers was just one of the things that she’d had to deal with.

“I see,” he said. “You not only understood the full implications of what you were doing, but you also never did anything to make things different. You never attempted to right a wrong when you saw it.”

She was unamused. “Don’t make me sound better than I am.”

“I’m asking what you did. Not what your adult self wishes she achieved.” He tried to project nonchalance, and failed miserably. Every atom of his being was drawn to this woman. Wild horses couldn’t break him from her. “Did you not try to get help, when you realized what was happening? Did you not try to save the ones that you could save?” It occurred to him that, had the Snatchers not beaten her so badly in their temper, he might have met her on a First Order ship. A Stormtrooper completely under Snoke’s control, with whom he had a Force bond. 

Fate had a strange sense of humor.

Rey hadn’t uncurled yet from herself, but she wasn’t contradicting him, either. That was progress at least.

“Am I wrong?”

“I failed them.”

“You did the best you could with the information you had. If you really want a bad guy, blame the adults who left you to fend for yourself. In fact, blame the Snatchers.” And the First Order. And the War Profiteers that bankrolled them. “Finn shouldn’t throw stones in glass houses. He doesn’t know how he would have fared in your place. Once he cools off, he will understand.” And if he didn’t, Ben would just have to make him understand.

Rey sniffed. She started to straighten up, just a little, then let herself fall into Ben’s side. He stood stock still for a full minute, before opening his arm and draping it awkwardly around her shoulders. She let out another shuddering breath and huddled close, burying her face in his chest.

It wasn’t a real show of affection, he knew that much. She was overwrought and upset and was willing to take comfort from anybody, even him.

He closed his eyes and tried to give as much of it as he did to her. 

Warmth built at the palm of his hand, and he sensed the Force responding to his intent. For a moment, he wasn’t sure what to do. Then he opened his mind and invited some of her darkness in. He could take away her stress and worry. If only for tonight, he could help share that burden. 

Rey’s breathing picked up, then she looked at him with wide eyes. 

Ben shook his head, when she opened her mouth to object. “Just accept it,” he said. “You can hate me in the morning.”

Her lips turned down - no doubt she was annoyed at him for just making a decision. Then she lay her head on his chest again, her fingers tangling in his shirt. “I know you hate it when I say this,” she murmured, as she seemed to drift off to sleep, “but there’s more goodness in you than you give yourself credit for. I hope one day you will accept it.”

He didn’t share her view. But as he got as comfortable as he could, he had to admit that he liked getting a chance at all.

And he liked that he could hold her like this tonight. Even if it was just to protect her like he wished he had been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi.
> 
> I don't live in the USA. I don't have much of a platform. I'm not able to attend any marches.
> 
> But I want to use whatever platform I have to spread information and help. I have listed a few links and organisations here and at some of my other fics. If my work gives you pleasure, please donate. Sign petitions. Call your elected representatives, if you are in the USA. Keep yourselves informed and alert if you aren't.
> 
> Please. Thank you.
> 
> Organizations, Petitions & Go Fund Me:  
> (these links come from Bailey Sarians latest video, she had great links so I'll use the same, go check out her video right here: https://youtu.be/iig8BEP-sOw )  
> Color Of Change - https://colorofchange.org/  
> Movement For Black Lives - https://m4bl.org/  
> NAACP - https://www.naacpldf.org/  
> Undocublack -https://undocublack.org/  
> Petition for George Floyd - https://www.change.org/p/mayor-jacob-frey-justice-for-george-floyd?utm_source=brand_us&utm_medium=media  
> Minnesota Freedom Fun - https://minnesotafreedomfund.org/  
> Reclaim The Block - https://secure.everyaction.com/zae4prEeKESHBy0MKXTIcQ2  
> Go Fund Me For George Floyd Family - https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd


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